Humorous and funny House poems and/or funny poems about House. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious House funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other House Poems.
Maryam Jameela Haniff
A noisy House
I sit here
in this noisy house
in a far corner
as quiet as a mouse
With pencil and book
and Ipod in ears
writing my poems
where nobody cares.
A house full of cats
Doctor says I have hair balls
Our Tab has far -away eyes
UGHH! It's flatulence
One cat likes to talk
It's the inflection that counts
Feed me, please....................? FEED ME!!!
Not bothered with mice
Nary a bug in the house
The new 'shredded' style
Fell in the eggnog
Hick hickory....up he run
Dick dickory DOCK! tick tock
SPRING HOUSE CLEANING ( reverse Etheree)
what an awful mess!
dust cobwebs outside dirt
it boggles my mind to think
when I think it’s of other things
wouldn’t it be nice to take a nap
all day but then the mess will still be there
know what? I saw an add in the paper
this old chinese lady cleans houses
she is very reasonable
654 – 7328
“hello chinese lady?
you say she’s out now?
what does she charge?......
funny, house, humor,
I bought a house that nobody else wanted.
I got it dirt cheap because it was haunted.
It was once owned by a murderess and nobody could trust her.
Things got so bad in that house that I called the Ghostbusters.
But those four women came running out of that house as fast as they could.
I thought that hiring those women was a great idea but it didn't do any good.
Everybody who lived in that house ended up in a bad shape.
The last straw came when the ghost cornered me and I was raped.
I burned down that house for the insurance because things were so creepy and odd.
But the insurance company found out and now I've been sentenced to prison for fraud.
There is a house in my backyard
they call the 'Crescent Moon'.
I visit more than I would like
but, then no one's immune.
I've passed many an hour there,
pants below my knees.
The place is open day and night.
You can come whenever you please.
Just go in and have a seat;
You're welcome one and all.
Take a load off your feet
when nature makes that call.
So, don't be afraid to make a move.
You can even bring a friend;
Just in case, there's a double seat
and you'll be happy in the end.
Inspired by the humor of Jan Allison
April 16, 2019
Robert L. Hinshaw
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) 6 July 2015 All Rights Reserved
Tied for No. 3 in Judy Konos' "One Footle" Contest
animal, children, kids, funny, nonsense, pets, silly,
First you got an alligator.
Next came a giraffe.
Lions ride your elevator,
bears hide in your bath.
run amok through all your rooms!
Soon, if you don't set them free - there will be no room for me!
funny, goodbye, humor,
The puffs of air came and went bubbling
Happily putting on the exhaust on high
Running like hell to the outhouse saying bye
candy, change, desire, food, kids, funny, house, husband, imagination, mystery, poems, senses, sweet,
The taste of homemade Carmel so sweet/ everyone I know desires the treat.
After one night in the kitchen covered/ half the pan gone, next morning discovered.
Is it my beagle Lily whom loves any food? / she seems in a hyper beagle mood.
I know I heard a squeak in the night / a dream ? No, for low was the kitchen light.
T'was my husband, for he can't resist/ soft , buttered brown sugar , a Vanilla twist.
Robert L. Hinshaw
cute love, humorous,
Overheard by flies on the White House wall
During Bubba's tete-a-tete with his moll.
"Order extra salami
And a tad more pastrami
Fer my pizza on yer next service call!"
Entry for Andrea Dietrich's Limerick Contest
A young lady from Athens,
Had strong designer passions,
She developed a boutique
Just for the chic,
Full of exquisite fashions.
The opening without any hitches,
She had created marketing riches,
But it literally all fell apart
Within the year's start,
As she continually dropped her stitches.
childhood, children, family, home, house, humor, life,
We were eight children
crowded in a little house;
and just one bathroom.
For Contest: Haiku on "My Family"
Hosted by: Marvin Celestial
family, children, funny, happiness,
Where do you go,
When you can’t eat candy?
Where every kid goes,
Because it’s so handy.
It is not very far,
Plus the door is always open.
With a full cookie jar,
At least I am a hopin’.
Here the food is always free,
Nor do you have to be quiet as a mouse.
It is not a fort in a tree,
Indeed--it is Grandma's house!!
funny, house, house,
Inebriated Bob painted his house bright pink
His poor neighbors raised a hell-of-a stink
Then in October
Finally got sober
Took one look at the house and asked for a drink
For the Tickle Me Pink contest
a savory swig energizes bones
one swallow electrifies tasting cones
an instant caffeine rush
causes blah cheeks to pink blush
pure Pepsi creates haunting moans.
a tingling sensation provides power
charging battery for 24 hours
but "diet" won't do
the "hard stuff's" my brew
Pepsi fragrance as potent as flowers.
one day when Life's journey is done
and "the other side's" calling for fun
no Coke, Dew, or "7"
as I step into Heaven
hoping Pepsi is their "Number One".
*For Craig's Funny Poem Contest
boyfriend, care, dedication, devotion, faith, first love, for her, for him, gender, girlfriend, happiness, happy, heart, heaven, home, house, how i feel, humor, husband, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, kiss, longing, love, marriage, miss you, missing, poems, poetry, romance, romantic, together, words,
When I hear your name
My heart beats faster than usual
It's not that I am ashame
But It's just your name is too special..
Can't control the feelings
When I am with you
Can't stop smiling
When you hold me like you do
When you hug me then
I feel like I'm in heaven
You are a blessing from above
And you are the reason why I loved
I'll promise to love you FOREVERMORE..
And I will cherish you until the end of my borrowed life
And I will keep our precious memories as long as
we see each other in our next life..
home, house, humor, identity, image,
Rednecks make parts in the basement
They've mastered piston emplacement
They'll bore out a block
To be bigger than stock
Displacement has no replacement
Author's note. A really great guy in the office has a classic '67 Firebird
that will go really fast and has fun taking it to car shows in the area.
This is part of American culture. Yahoooo!
Home alone lived the widower, Fred
with no inkling at all in his head
of how to clean house.
Without his dear spouse,
Fred was facing his clutter with dread.
Everywhere there were cobwebs and dust.
Even pieces of old pizza crust!
And a horrid new smell
Fred began to inhale
while surveying the mess with disgust.
It smelled just like a rat there had died,
so Fred flew into action. He cried,
“Cleaning service I’ll pay.
I must call them today,
and next week I will search for a bride!”
Written March 16, 2012
For Francine Roberts'
Cobwebs and Dust Poetry Contest
Theme: Cobwebs and Dust
friendship, god, home, humorous, i love you, love, motivation,
May God bless this house
Where all abide
Love and care for one another
Tolerate and accept each other
Share and share alike
Lift each other's burdens
Help each other with household chores
Smile when we see each other
And care for our animals
Lastly volunteer to put the bins out!
america, humorous, political,
I've checked the date it’s not April Fool’s Day -
Trump’s President of the U S of A
These words to you I impart
To me a ‘trump’ is a fart
In the White House this old farts gonna stay!
funny, seasonshouse, house,
Snow over a foot deep
Thrown into a big heap
A pile we will make
If not for the kids sake
For an igloo they will undertake
Through the hole I will creep
Not a word I shall peep
Lying here trying to sleep
As I begin to shake
And my back begins to ache
I think it's time for a house break
I'll crawl out like a sheep
And it's off to the house to get some sleep
RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY
Jane has a big house
Made of cats and mouse
When they all screech
She runs for beach
Stripping skirt and blouse
adventure, character, giggle, house, jobs, sound, wife,
my commode has been making noise
that my wife tried to fix it
only to make it worse
and now it started leaking too
by the time i saw it
the washroom was flooded
and i’m no plumber to fix it
neither am i an idiot to avoid it
so, i did with manly mettle, mettle with it
and tightened, at the end, the right nut
for both the noise, and the ooze to prevent
we did leave home thereafter
i, carrying a washroom in ooze
while my wife, walking in perfect poise
Dominique Jon Apple Webb
fantasy, home, house, humor, imagination, science, science fiction,
Their once was a living door called Able,
That did curve and bend, very capable,
When I approached to go through,
Facilitating and friendly just like you,
And I so often wished that Able was datable.
funny, holidayhouse, house,
There once was a Santa from Nome.
From house to house he did roam,
When done he stopped for a beer
And some friendly Holiday cheer.
Alas…… he couldn’t find his way home.
thank you Carolyn..lets see what the chef can come up with...