Humorous and funny Limerick poems and/or funny poems about Limerick. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Limerick funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Limerick Poems.
farm, humorous, sexy,
A curvaceous lady named Mary
Just loved having sex in the dairy
When smothered with whipped cream
Her beau would lick her clean…
His Calorie intake was scary!!!
14th June 2016
humorous, lust, natural disasters,
Ted enjoys a quick roll in the hay...
He’s sleeping with his buxom P A
She confirmed she’s with child
Ted baulked, then got quite riled
I wonder what his wife’s got to say!
There was a lumberjack from Borehamwood
A chainsaw mishap took off his manhood
His Love life now a mess
And it caused him great stress
So he made himself one out of some wood .
He went to bed one night full of desire
Sue his wife put on her sexy attire
Things got steamy and hot
He gave it all he got
But with passion and friction it caught fire .
Written 5th March 2019.
For make me actually LOL 2 poetry contest
Sponsored by Nina Parmenter.
Judith Angell Meyer
funny, imagination, song-
That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."
Your theory makes quite the impression
But I have this nagging obsession
A huge mass of matter
Explodes in a scatter
This is a layman's 'dumb' question
From whence came this gigantic ball?
Just how did the whole thing befall?
What was there before that?
And before even that?
And so on and so forth, et.al
Blank space, only vacuum you say?
Endless void? Flat nothing? Okay
Is nothing just nothing,
Or ain't nothing something
And what made the nothing I pray?
A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
It didn't take long
to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!
Sir Henry was playing his flute
He also was smoking cheroot
But when his attire
Was soon caught on fire
I’m guessing he’s not so astute!
Contest: Famous Einstein Quotes – John Freeman
Albert Einstein Quote ‘The only source of knowledge is experience’
~awarded 1st place~
appreciation, giving, humorous, poetry, thanks,
I’ve received an incredible gift
It has given my heart such a lift
But the date that I see
Is what now concerns me –
It’s the date I no longer exist!!!
Today I was gifted a 'lifetime' premium membership but it is somewhat disconcerting to see it ends on 3/20/2077. I hope TPS aren't psychic!!!!
My mother's great great aunt lived to 111 and 121 days and was in the Guinness book of records - I hope I am around a long long time to make full use of this incredible gift.
14th October 2016
ARE YOU SITTING COMFORTABLY
Poor Beryl had terrible piles
So painful, they stuck out for miles
With help from her finger
Her piles did not linger
Now comfy, she sits there and smiles!
N/A In enter your own contest contest
Contest finalised on 9/24
A Poem, I Wrote and Sent Drifting - Poetry Contest
Sponsored by Broken Wings
body, clothes, humorous,
Sue’s panties gave her so much woe -
She suffered from dire ‘camel toe’
But with help from soft plastic
Her new outline’s fantastic
It’s discrete and no one would know!
bird, food, funny,
They said how she ate was absurd;
A "Fatso", they called her she heard,
And ever since then
That poor, baby wren
Just pecked at her food like a bird.
Contest: Any Animal or Creature Limerick
JSLambert Mister ROBOTO
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
After six months of living with you
I found it amazing how we grew
As the passion seemed to fade
The worst signs of this charade
Were the clothes I couldn’t fit into
Lovemaking’s a form of exercise
And then when it stopped, what a surprise
I asked you if I looked fat
You said, “There’s no truth in that”
As you consumed even more French fries
But the doctor’s scale would tell no lies
Some 25 pounds my weight did rise
Still you refused to believe
Just continued to deceive
Till friends noted YOUR increasing size
By Carolyn Devonshire
For Judy’s “Short Poem Contest”
All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
If there’s no Valentine treat
From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself
Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
Just splurge – get a new hairdo
Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”
*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest
A struggle ensued at the zoo
when King Lion met Jack Kangaroo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"
For Geraldine Taylor's The Creative Collective Anthology Series - Comic Version
angst, daughter, family, funny, happiness, life, love, car,
Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '
'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust!
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.
'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much,
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'!
Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.
father daughter, health, humorous,
I’d heap spoonfuls of sugar in my tea
I wouldn’t drink it without it you see
That sweet syrupy drink
Wasn’t poured down the sink
Every single drop was supped up by me!
Dad’s diabetes made me think -
Did I need to sweeten my drink
So I cut sugar out
And I don’t have a doubt
I’m slimmer and I’m in the pink
Contest: Two Lenses
Sponsor Sara Kendrick
A busty young lady from Peel
Her boobies she couldn't conceal
They were such a huge size
That she won a first prize
For the fruit men most wanted to feel
7th April 2015
I made a bit of a boob on the 2nd line - thanks Paul Callus for your advice
The deli-girl fumed and was swearing
At the Frenchman's request , so uncaring .
"Sir you are the dregs
NO !! I don't have frogs legs .
It's these 5 inch high heels that I'm wearing ".
He said " that pigs head looks so meek ".
His short shiny snout oh so sleek .
But to her surprise ,
He said "leave in the eyes .
It's gotta see me thro' the week ".
Inspired by the talented pen of M/S Guzzi and her " Bull O Ney " , rhyme , for the double
limerick contest ..
There once was a young man called Rodger
Who's very transfixed with his todger
From morning till night
He gets his delight
Now he shares his bed with his lodger
Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
Such an odd taste in my mouth
Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!
(Sadly, a true story)
Robert L. Hinshaw
LUCIFER'S gullet was as parched as hell!
He said, "Lord, some cold HOOCH, would do me well!"
Lord said, "In thy condition,
Smoldering in perdition,
Not a snowball's chance in the place ye dwell!"
Entry for Catie Lindsey's "L&H Limericks" Contest
Took First Place in the contest.
funny, january, new year,
I’ve been watching my weight since 14,
but with all of the diets I’ve seen,
they’ve become a big no-no.
This here dieting yo-yo
has stopped trying to be super lean!
Other problems I’ll change as I go.
I don’t need a New Year to say so!
Said a wise sailor man:
I yam what I yam!
Why improve on a good thing - ya know?
So the cause of the most bellyaching
at this time of the year I’m forsaking.
When you know yourself well. . .
why then go through such hell!
Resolutions I’ll never be making.
For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle
There once was a housewife named Claire
Who shook out her mop in the air
The dust whirled like stars
The Earth, Moon, and Mars...
Who’s shaking a dust mop up there?
Sandra M. Haight
Sponsor: Cecelia Hopkins-Drewer
Contest: Limericks Clean and Clever
Sponsor: Roy Jerden
computer-internet, humorous, relationship,
Tapped messages go out direct
With phones it's an easy connect
Thoughts from a finger
In cyberspace linger
But touching's too much to expect