Humorous and funny Marriage poems and/or funny poems about Marriage. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Marriage funny poems!
Written by
Gershon Wolf
Categories:
humorous, marriage, relationship, romance,
Sweet Nothings In His Ear
She whispered sweet nothings in his ear
He seemed so pleased, she’d nothing to fear
So odd, thought she, he never liked this before
And now with his smile, he clearly wants more…
If you can keep a secret, dear reader, I’ll tell you, says he
I’ve gone deaf as a doorpost; nothing irritates me
I just keep this silly smile glued to my face
Nod my head sometimes too, just in case…
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, marriage, relationship, technology,
He Didn'T Get the Message - Collaboration
There once was a fellow named Ted
Who recently in church got wed
His wife was in the mood
Laying there in the nude…
He was texting his friends instead!
He was sending text after text
His new wife was feeling quite vexed
'I'm after your bone -
now get off your phone ....
Or I'll leave if I'm under sexed!
A collaboration with Jospeh May
Both Poems inspired by 'And Nothing Else Matters' By Andrea Dietrich
1st May 2016
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
humorous, marriage, political,
You Can'T Have One Without the Other
The concept of gays in a marriage
One side loves and one will disparage
But rule supreme court
And one side must retort
Justice just had a miscarriage
Author's note: Regardless of the outcome from the supreme court, I happen to favor gay marriage. There really is no other conclusion since we are a land of equal rights. We should do all we can to foster a society without discrimination. The arguments against these rights reveal a lot about certain people of religious persuasion. It would be comical if it were not so sad.
Written by
Mark Koplin
Categories:
humor,
Marriage
I married my future ex wife
She stabbed me one night with a knife
She left me for dead
For a dude named Fred
I barely escaped with my life
Cursed for the rest of my life
It’s now twice I’ve married my wife
With a pipe of lead
She beats on my head
I’d rather get stabbed with her knife
3/4/2021
Two Limericks – Let’s Have Some Fun! Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Tania Kitchin
Syllable Checked with the Soup's syllable and letter counter
88558088558
Written by
Andrea Dietrich
Categories:
funny,
A Zsa Zsa Marriage
Too fast
to last.
10/7/2012
Submitted Aug. 27, 2021 for Brian Strand's Footle Finale Poetry Contest
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
humorous, husband, marriage,
Oreo Cookies
Oreo cookies
Followed me home
I wanted to keep them but they had better plans.
I ate eight of them yesterday, with cool, cold milk.
My husband asked today if I need anything from the store.
Oreo cookies! My happy side yells.
We have already gained so much weight, my ugly self complains.
My husband does not hear the words,
But he knows me well.
Oreo cookies
Followed him home.
Written by
David Mchattie
Categories:
death, humor, marriage,
Reaper Comes a Calling
It was nigh on to St. Crispin's day
But I found no solace there.
The night curdled with discontentment
As a vile expectation filled the air.
Death himself appeared at my door...
His heinous purpose not yet clear.
It ripped me to the very core...
It tasked my soul with fear.
'Forgive this late intrusion.'
It offered in a throated baritone.
"I am due this night to reap a soul...
But your neighbor's not at home.'
With a firm grip on my mortality...
I could think of nothing more.
I called out towards my husband...
'Honey... you're wanted at the door.'
The End
Written by
Frank Mashina
Categories:
family, humor, marriage, social,
Mom’s Photo Secret
Mom said, “No sex before marriage,”
With rules she thought were quite sage.
But in her wedding shot,
I see a twist in the plot—
Was her vow just a part of the age?
Written by
I Am Anaya
Categories:
analogy, character, cute love, destiny, humorous, husband, marriage,
Spouse Minichu
Spouse Minichu
A husband she searches
all through the land in a faraway valley
and churches
A wife’s match
Want ad~ mustn’t dilly dally
a catch
clocks tick
bio tally
Pick!
A husband she searches
Want ad~ mustn’t dilly dally
Pick!
Written by
Jimmi Canada
Categories:
graduation, growing up, heart, history, humor, marriage, mentor, mirror, muse, myth, spiritual, spoken word, thank you,
Walk
A bulging extremity,
a feminist integrity,
a swaggering centipede,
the cops arresting me,
my dick the right size,
the bang coming out of your eye's,
the sensitivity upon demise,
the dew and dripping from the sky's,
the eagerness of eloping,
the magnitude of doping,
the honesty of groping,
scattering scorpions glowing and scoping.
Written by
Darlene Gifford
Categories:
humor, marriage,
Nagging Wife Pun
He turned on the coffee grinder.
His nagging wife,
no one could find her.
Written by
Robert Candler
Categories:
confusion, home, humorous, husband, marriage, sexy, wife,
Quandary - a Husband's Haiku
The dishes are done,
Kids are asleep and dreaming.
Want to watch T.V.?
Privacy at last.
The kids will not disturb us.
Want to hug and smooch?
The dishes are done.
No one will disturb us, but
She's got a headache.
Whatever I did,
It must have been bad, because
She keeps saying, "No."
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
funny, marriage, men, psychological, relationship, trust, women,
How To Give a Guy a Premarital Suitability Exam
Before the "I do" she must choose
A man that does well in dance shoes
His psyche gives a clue
When employing step two
Ply him to the limit with booze
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
baby, humorous, marriage,
Call the Midwife
The vicar surveyed her wide girth
Was scared that in church she’d give birth
He raised his eyebrows
Then rushed through their vows ...
He wasn’t adept at childbirth!
Inspired by the poem ‘Decision Needed’ by Maurice Rigoler
13TH April 2016
Written by
Stacey Brown
Categories:
funny, happy, husband, marriage,
Heaven
His lovely wife is named Heaven
She scolds him seventy times seven
Yet, Big Joe just never really cared
In Heaven he lives happily, hearing impaired!
Stacey Brown 2-6-14
Dr. Ram Mehta contest
Husbands are in heaven
whose wives scold not
Written by
Tammy Reams
Categories:
cute love, for her, for him, funny love, humorous, marriage, smile,
It's Time For a Funny
Hello Honey, are you feeling sunny
or another day of crummy?
Are you going to be grumpy
because your a little lumpy?
Your still my little hunky
because your always spunky.
I love you my sweet Honey
because your never a dummy!
For my sweet hubby T Reams
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
funny, funny love, humor, humorous, husband, marriage, relationship,
He's a Keeper
He’s a keeper, the relatives all agreed.
You’re lucky to have this one.
Marriage will link me too
Written by
Gayle Rodd
Categories:
funny love, humor, humorous, marriage,
The Proposal
The night you got down on one knee
it truly changed my life
You were just about to ask me
If I would be your wife, right?
Then I really blew it
the times that I loved best
were thrown right out the window
the moment I said "Yes!"
Written by
James Fraser
Categories:
fun, humor, husband, loss, marriage, wife,
Prepare For the Worst
That's a week the wife has been missing
For years I've so longed this hoping
Prepare for the worst the Police said
Panic thoughts in my head
The Charity shop was not my so wishing
Written by
Anna-Marie Docherty
Categories:
anniversary, caregiving, christmas, devotion, family, freedom, girlfriend, growing up, holiday, home, hope, humorous, imagination, journey, life, love, marriage, people, relationship, romantic, satire, song, song-thanksgiving, uplifting,
12 Days of Kiss-Mas
On the 12th day of kiss-mass my true love sent to me
12 dirty undies
11 socks a stinking
10 shoes a humming
9 shirts for pressing
8 trousers
7 days of take-out boxes
6 flagons of beer
5 D V D's
4 mischievous children
3 dozen wine bottles
2 ex partners
and an engagement ring under the tree
Written by
Paul Schneiter
Categories:
humor, marriage, wedding,
Enough Already
It was the sixth wedding for daughter Judy
who was quite plain and hardly a beauty.
Time came to give away the bride
whereupon her Father replied
"five times I've tried--I've done my duty."
Written by
Anthony Beck
Categories:
art, crush, desire, engagement, funny love, humor, marriage, romance,
Art Girl
'Tis so, I adore a polychromatic Muse.
She's a plethora of jolly dramatic hues.
Not to bore yuh surely with rant sophomoric,
But her aura is purely phantasmagoric.
I hear people ask, “Am I her signif other?"
But fear she might see me as only a brother.
It is quite fantabulous and those sorts of things;
So we, the two of us, will be looking at rings.
Written by
Just That Archaic Poet
Categories:
baby, fun, horse, humorous, marriage, words,
The Fool
Naught to say I shan't disparage
A cherub in its stroller
Laugh at married horse-drawn carriage:
Denounce a Holy-Roller!
Point my fingers in their direction,
And have a hearty chuckle!
In Truth it is my own reflection-
One which leaves me puzzled...
No one should suffer ridicule,
By the words bled from my tongue...
But in the end, I am the Fool
Who should never make the fun!
Written by
Mark Ackerson
Categories:
divorce, humorous, love, marriage,
Cupid's Arrow
All my exes were pros of the game,
Spending years at perfecting their aim.
They thought it was funny
To take all my money
When the judges said I was to blame!
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein
Written by
Mark J. Halliday
Categories:
conflict, life, love, marriage,
Love and Humor
Nobody's spouse is perfect.
Marriage always has conflicts.
You need a sense of humor
To remain in love.