Humorous and funny May poems and/or funny poems about May. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious May funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other May Poems.
childhood, funny, mother, son, mother,
Mother may I
Go out and play
Have you cleaned your room today
Are your toys packed away
in your toy chest with care
Yes mother yes
its all in there
Did you make your bed
like i showed you how
yes mother yes
may I go now
Yes son yes
after a brief inspection
son shakes his head
not what I was expecting
I'm going to my room
oh by the way
can you hand me the broom?
I’d love to sit on a big leather chair,
And smoke a fat Cuban cigar.
And own a Monet,
And a little chalet,
And drive a red hot Jaguar.
But, alas, here I sit on an old wooden bench,
Sucking a ciggy filled with tar.
And my art's on a doormat,
In a cheap council flat,
And I drive an old rusted car.
bird, funny, may, nature,
All day long the little bird cries
Over and over again he tries
Full array for all the ladies passing by
Can't they see he's found a home
Where little babies can be grown
But he cannot do it alone
He's desperate for a date
He really needs a mate
In month of May it's not too late
On the little red house there sits a perch
Where on and off he chirps and chirps
But all the ladies only flirt
So alas this tale has but a sad end
As the little house sits with no one to attend
For it seems his services he could not lend
A barmaid with bosom to spare
Decided they needed more air
A crone on a stool
Saw all the men drool
Since their chests were covered in hair!
funny, life, retirement, may,
Dr. James E. Martin
Now that I’ve reached a ripe old age,
I sit on the porch and sip sweet tea.
Some may question the wisdom in this,
My response is simply, “It works for me!”
Jealousy is undoubtedly fostered in some,
For that matter anger may surely arise.
I simply continue in my well designed plan
And know that many my life they despise.
try posting a blog
and commenting on that blog
many times over
thus my blog shall then become
a very HOT blog indeed...
* I have done this in the past...Not for myself but for other people. Okay! I admit it! I’ve done it for myself too! (PD knows)
confusion, fantasy, funny, may, me,
I opened my page and said
"What the heck!"
One more of my poems
Won't make me sick.
I can't speak for you
So if it does.
Just wait a few minutes
And a Medical commercial may come on
Just take one and click me off
And your day may be better off.
death of a friend, funeral, funny, humor, humorous,
Here Lays May
Who was on her way
To a little old bar,
She was hit by a car.
When my husband was in hospital, he was given an afternoon tea
Scones and cake and sandwiches, simply delicious as you can see
The final treat was to eat the scone served with jam and butter
On opening the butter packet these words made hum splutter
He saw ‘Caution Contains Milk’ was written on the label
Found this so amusing he kept the label on the table
I know people have allergies but this is taking it too far
Soon they’ll be telling me I need petrol to drive my car
Some people think the Brits are dull, I intend to dispel this rumour
Think I may post on my poems ‘ this may contain some humour’
28th May 2014
"It is the end of the world", they cry
"Those not saved will surely die!"
Never mind the fun fact
Previous dates inexact
Get the marshmallows out for the fry!
Good old Jack wants more poems that are funny
With some humor I might make some money
I could do standup make them all chuckle
Wear a cowboy hat and a big buckle
My jokes might be lame, my spirits may sink
I'll get more funny, once they start to drink
I'd talk bout the country, home on the range
maybe bout my horse, perhaps that is strange
Some cowboy Karaoke might do the trick
If only I could sing they may not get sick
I will give it a try for my good friend Jack
It won't last very long so I will be back
Dedicated to Jack Ellison.
friend, funny, humor, sexy,
Hey dude be polite close your jaw
I know women’s breasts bring us awe
Some cravings are strong
But this is plain wrong
For those two belong to my ma
bird, humorous, inspirational, may, nature, poetry, spring,
Starlings wait outside
for the blackbirds to come 'round
so they can kick butt.
Copyright © Cynthia Jones
Khalid M Raza
funny, life, song-may,
Funny things or crazy things of the world
Small or big, things do happen in the world
when our heart wants to go some where
but the way becomes tough to go any where
what we give nobody takes
what we ask nobody gives
colorful weather do exist
color of the wind never exist
when we are in a hurry
we often have to worry
scratching the head to think something
working hard to achieve something
All these may be our activities
We may get reward for our abilities
When utilized in a proper way
Then success will be not away
we should always keep in mind
we should never look behind
things of whatever kind
may happen one day
wait for the day
adventure, childhood, family, children, funny, holiday, song-may,
G- gingerbread man run as fast as you can
I- if I ever see you again I'll cook you in my pan
N- next I will nibble all about
G- getting you will be easy, with out a doubt
E- ever consider someone might eat your eyes out
R- red jelly eyes I wonder what flavor they are
B- buttons on your belly might be tart
R- run away from me now that eating may be an art
E- ever think about how it delicious candy clothing may be
A- average American snacking, just like me
D- down the hatch is what you'll be
M- morning, noon or supper for eating you up I'll be the man
A- after I eat you I'll wipe out the pan
N- now I am going to eat you, come here Gingerbread Man
You may think I'm crazy, or that it won't suit me
If I had one wish, id wish for a booty
No not a car trunk or sock for a baby
For I want an azz like a big curvy lady
The backside iv got, I'm getting annoyed
When seen from the rear I look like a boy
I can't keep my jeans up, they fall off my bum
No matter how tightly my belt has been done
No elbows on tables, for safety, not manners
Embracing me is like cuddling spanners
Covered in bruises and yes, you can laugh
I get a numb bum when I sit in the bath
I just want some padding to cushion the blow
And being so skinny, ain't all that, you know.
There was an old man from Bluegrass,
who always ate green sassafras.
His tummy got icky,
somersaults and sicky,
took pills, now there’ll BEANO more gas!
A Limerick, Old or New: Your personal favorite Poetry Contest
8-8-6-6-8 syllable count
Written: April 10, 2018
funny, parody, people, may,
I saw you from across the bar,
Your eye shadow immaculate,
Your skin a pleasing, pale hue,
Your brown hair laced around a band of plastic flowers,
Your supple red lips engaged in fluid conversation.
I saw you, decided I loved you,
My bawdy, lusty companions thought so as well,
We cast dibs and lots for you and dared each other to speak to you,
And acquire your phone number,
As if you could be owned by possession of such things.
I turned away from our idle chatter and barter,
And glanced to where you spoke with the girl presumed to be your sister.
I may not love you tomorrow,
The feeling may have faded by then,
But I relish the aesthetic of the moment,
love, passion, religionwoman, may,
I may not be the finest of the finest,
but I still got IT
I may not have the bling or swaggard,
but I still got IT
IT been around for a while
ever since Adam said to Eve in the first poem
ever to be spoken
"You are bone of my bone
flesh of my flesh
you are my! woman
because from me you were taken"
Then God say to Adam
"Leave me! your father and mother
Keep your woman and become one flesh"
I am a woman taken from a man
and still got IT
change, childhood, courage, dream, funny, growth,
Maybe I'll get an iPhone for my birthday
Ah...on the other hand, I'd like to get an iced coffee
Yeah - I'll just accept my water
Be honest, David - I'm a brat and a smarty pants
Enjoy your break time and kick back...chill for a time ...
I'm a little nervous - I feel that my writing's are
Not that impressive - maybe in May,
May I ask him for a free lemonade?
And yes - I get a free lemonade
Yes!! Maybe in May, I might get a part-time job or I might be a famous poet - someday...someday...
More Pills Have To Pop
Wish it was short hop
For us to go out and shop;
Not pills have to pop.
Our need seems so sore
Here close by having a store
Thought we do adore.
Was utter chaos
Did discover Trump was the boss
Is an albatross.
Maybe I should email this to the
new governor which will give my
great suggestion and idea to him.
To our commerce Trump is causing chaos
Thinks on south side grows all the moss
In all our faces we had been hit square
Trickle down will never our fair share.
death, dedication, people, funny, may, people,
You starred on Hee Haw and the Andy Griffith Show.
You were talented and people hated to see you go.
You continued to star as Goober on Mayberry R.F.D.
Sadly you passed away at the age of eighty-three.
People loved to see you act, that much is clear.
You were a very funny man while you were here.
You were Floyd the barber's friend and you wore a funny hat.
You entertained millions for thirty years and people loved that.
I'll see you in Heaven but it may be a while.
You did a damn good job as Goober Pyle.
(Dedicated to George Lindsey who died on May 6, 2012.)
hair, heart, hilarious, wind,
If the wind blow in your hair what a smell it may bring
The smell that it may give me wings
What you stole from me is my heart
what you had stolen is fallen apart
Fallen apart because you fart a lot
Put it in low temperature and do not expose to light
funny, people, social, may,
Is it possible to ever attain
a truly objective evaluation?
A beachwear fashion designer
and a post-mortem surgeon,
sitting as judges at a beauty
pageant swimsuit competition,
may share some convergences,
depending on their imagination,
but their views shall widely differ
due to training and profession.
One may gush over much money
cascading from sales of lingeries,
the other thinks about the health
of intestines and throbbing arteries.
Objective evaluation, possible
in the oglers' rapt attention ?
I may be a Princess,
But, I swear like a Marine,
I drink like a Sailor,
And my jokes are never clean.
I may be a Princess,
But, I never dress the part,
I wear hob nailed boots,
And I don't care where I fart.
I may be a Princess,
But, I don't act like one at all,
I like to get down and dirty,
And I don't want to go to the ball.
I may be a Princess,
But, I'm extremely loud,
I like to party,
And stand out in a crowd.
I may be a Princess,
But, I am all of the above,
I don't care what people think,
I am the one I love.