Humorous and funny Narrative poems and/or funny poems about Narrative. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Narrative funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Narrative Poems.
body, caregiving, crazy, funny, health, husband, rude,
Girls, if you ever find a man of great persistence
Listen to your ******, and say NO! with adequate resistance
You see chicks, when a dude gets a hard dick
If it's dirty, it can make you super sick
Painful pisses and cloudy urine will follow suit
All because Dirty Dick Man wanted to discharge his root
So, ladies, beware...there are diseases out there
No Dick gets serviced until it's clean and faire
Run, scream, shout, "Spank your ****ing monkey!"
Please, I beg of you, do as I now propose
Keep your ****** sparkling clean-never let it decompose.
adventure, easter, fear, funny, nonsense, religion,
He knows if you are sleeping,
He knows when you're awake,
He knows if you've been bad or good.
Zombie Jesus must be staked!
So eat your crackers and wine,
And think that you'll be saved,
But that's not why he's here because
Your brains are what he craves!
He'll never stop his rampage.
Not until he's fully fed,
But nothing satisfies his hunger
Like what rattles in your head.
He's coming down the chimney.
He's underneath your bed.
You think you can outrun him,
But soon you will be dead.
So you better not whisper,
You better not cry
Cuz even a shot between his eyes
Won't stop Zombie Jesus, tonight..
Men's minds are devious at the best of times
Also twisting their stories
I should know, I'm one of dem der guys
Pretty sure I'm no different than 98% of my fellow males
It's inbred into our psyche and of this I'm sure
We're really damn proud of it
However I'm a straight shooter
At the expense of my fellow males, I apologize
Hate blowing the whistle on youse guys
But I can't help it... as Georgie once said
"I cannot tell a lie"
Everything and I mean EVERYTHING
That comes out of my mouth
Is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
So help... Z-Z-Z-A-A-A-A-A-P-!
© Jack Ellison 2014
funny, funny love, green, humor, humorous, imagery, relationship,
"What do we have for breakfast?"
"Lettuce and cabbage juice!" she
She had forced him to change
his blue pajamas to green
pajamas, then he returns
to bed -
the bed had to have green sheets,
green bed cover, and a green
"Why do you do this to me?!" he asks.
"I was born in St. Patrick's Day!!!"
He can't wait for a green light
to escape a world where
everything he hates is green.
He's afraid he's lost her love in the greenness....
Have ten minutes to kill
Just enough time to write a poem
“I'm in love with love
Hey, hey, don't shove"
There you go...
with 9 minutes and 45 seconds to spare!
© Jack Ellison 2014
dream, fantasy, fun, humor, imagery, imagination,
A summer smile stuck on my face,
as I watched a soda truck racing
across the yellow maize farm.
"What is a soda truck doing
in the countryside, far away from
shops and clubs?" my workmate asked.
He looked as though he had witnessed
the Roswell event personally.
"Something isn't right," he added.
I smiled and gazed at the truck,
as it became bigger and bigger.
Monotonous tastelessness of rain water,
would soon be replaced by a fizzy, sweet
sensation to my tastebuds.
This would be the dozenth time I tasted
soda without actually drinking it.
Annalise Brigham...a.k.a. Audrey Haick
I was not impressed by his super mediocre talent
The kind one should keep under wraps exposed
To a world of less well known and near do well designers
Who struggle easily with mundane exotic tasks which, when left
In the hands of expert amateurs would not seem so
Ridiculously sensible at a time such as now
Note: For Kristen Bruni's "Oxymoronica" Contest
john loving iii
ghost and ghouls
tis the bewitching hour
the time of our rule
let us be shadows
and eyes in the night
let us give the living
a hell of a fright
be not kind
to little boys and girls
step into their dreams
make them all screem
be not friends
to sissys and cowards
visit each one
hour after hour
and when you see someone alone
keep them company
but be not shown
a glimps of a shadow
a bump in the night
a chill in the wind
a mysterious light
make them believe that noise
is not a mouse
and give them the greif of living
in a haunted house
friendship, funny, life,
I love this place,
it puts a smile on my face.
Super Soupers, writing away,
making me smile, and wanting to stay.
New soupers, joining everyday,
a super place for poets to play.
Old friends, new friends,
all joining in.
We are so blessed,
this is as good as it can get.
8th grade, fun, humor,
Marbles, marbles! I've lost my marbles.
I don't know where they are.
I know I had them recently,
So they can't have gotten far.
Blast it all! My marbles.
Where have I gone and left them?
I used them just the other day.
I was glad I'd had them then.
I do this all the time, you know.
Lose my marbles, is what I mean.
And every time I get them back,
I find that more are missing.
So now I have a handful left,
Nowhere near what used to be.
And there I see a screw that's loose,
That's all I bloomin’ need.
Theresa a.k.a. Reecie
fear, funny, social,
Oh the horror!
it's just fun!
animals, food, funny, dog, dog,
The dog seen a rabbit and how he did chase
to catch that little critter and boy what a race
But one thing that rabbit knew as he ran away
he was not going to be lunch for that dog today
Around the tree and into the bushes he went
the dog was right after that little rabbit's scent
the dog was so busy that he never did see
that big old hornet nest way up in the tree
running and barking and making a sound
made all the hornets start buzzing around
They all made a dive and together they flew
when they hit the dog he knew he was through
He made up his mind right there and then
he would never go chasing that rabbit again
angst, brother, children, clothes, family, funny, school,
(and long brown stockings)
I detest these stockings,
they're coarse, brown and ugly.
I hate the garters more;
elastic circles that cut off
circulation and fail to halt
the laddering down my skinny legs.
If only . . . I picture myself
in warm jeans and no teasing
from Tommy Rogers.
I put the garters to better use,
roll the repulsive stockings
down around my ankles.
"Who gave you
jointed toothpicks for legs?"
I lost it.
Now, Tommy has a black eye
and my nose is in the corner.
Did you ever see a cow with a green eyebrow
If you did, you'd best lay off the hooch
Hooch in moderation is acceptable
But if you see a pink elephant fly by your window
You have definitely over indulged
Another sign is when the things you say
Don't exactly match what you're thinking
Such as instead of saying, “You have nice boobs”
You actually say “bice noobs”
Has a nice ring to it as does “a great sackbide”
Hey I don't make this stuff up you know!
So getting back to that strange looking cow
If you haven't been drinking... and you see one
Run, don't walk, to the nearest shrink!
© Jack Ellison 2015
funny, happiness, fire, fire,
The storm gathered and the wind howled
Clouds were dark and ominous hinting of rain
He loved the rain and the wind
The branches swayed to their rhythm
He gathered sticks for the fire and the cold
The lights flickered as thunder cracked
There was nothing like a warm fire
And the limbs doing the cha cha
The fire wood was stacked by the door
He was a deepened romantic and the fire
He loved her most under the covers
He loved to show her his wood
She loved when he put it in the fire
That was what he missed most
humorous, , cute,
Had a crazy dream last night
Dreamt I was living in a world
Where kisses were units of currency
First thing I thought of
Was that cute li'l cashier at Walmart
To pay for a $50 item
Would require 50 kisses plus the federal tax
Bringing the total to 60 smooches
I would start shopping for all kinds of stuff
That I didn't actually need
I'd even buy ladies lingerie like bras and knickers
And give them away to friends and neighbours!
In all likelihood I'd go broke
But man, would I be a happy camper
Going to bed now to hopefully pick up
Where I left off...
© Jack Ellison 2015
I wake up to the dawn of each day
As I lay there in the Twi-light zone
I momentarily wonder, have I awoken
Or am I still somewhere in my dream
Like clock work
I realize that I woke up to yet another sunrise
I promptly head to the head, wash my hands and brush my teeth
And then, I head straight for the coffee pot
As I sit in the same chair as I do every morning
I sip my coffee that I have diluted
With the same amount of milk and sugar as I always do
Then click, my lap top goes on
I immediately go to PoetrySoup or Facebook
And then, I see all the other robots on here.
Some folks’ say all my life I’ve been a BLOCKHEAD.
Maybe if I could have gotten through that last ROADBLOCK,
news of my incarceration wouldn’t be such a family BLOCKBUSTER.
So here I sit all alone in my CELL BLOCK.
I’m suffering a bad case of WRITERS BLOCK,
without a clue the path my mind should take to UNBLOCK.
By the time I get out of here, I’ll need 100 spf SUNBLOCK.
For the BLOCK-BLOCK-BLOCK contest.
childhood, children, granddaughter, home, humor,
(Learning prudence at a young age.)
Granddaughter is back
for another weekend visit.
She's a voracious talker.
"Mom and Kenny,"
she says. "argue about
who gets to do the dishes.
Mom says, I will do them.
Then Kenny says, No,
It's my turn."
"That will soon be resolved,”
I say. “Your mom will decide
Kenny gets the job."
"I said that in my mind,”
“But not out loud.”
It seems like the only place I can get any peace from her is in the bathroom where I can lock the door sit in the tub and think. Maybe I'm not the most considerate of husbands but I don't care what she says I am not a Dick Head.
I wish I was a family pet
Whose only needs are to be fed
And to unceremoniously
Relieve themselves in the park
I would of course be more discreet
Now about licking myself
In an effort to keep clean
Hmmm might draw the line there
Simply because I may injure myself
Trying to reach hard to get at regions
I guess I would prefer to be a dog
Cats are certainly more sophisticated
But full of their own importance
When most dog species
Are loveable and bowl you over with love
Hmmm now that I think about it
Apart from not having to wear a collar
Perhaps I'd rather remain a human
© Jack Ellison 2015
Okay Father, nice talkin to you…
WOW fellas, last meal too huh?
Well, thanks but no thanks
Been readin up on my Shakespeare
and that “To be or not to be” guy?
I kinda identify with that dude
Cause I DO be right now
but in a couple of hours
I AIN’T gonna be, so---
it seems I’ve lost my appetite…
(I COULD use a drink though)
For the contest sponsored by: John Lawless
anniversary, fun, giving, green, humor, money,
My parents’ repeated refrain -
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
In my dreams, a lush tree grew
with leaves of high numbers,
nothing under a twenty.
On our 25th Anniversary,
our church threw
a surprise party.
After the pot-luck dinner,
a gaily wrapped gift box
sported a top slit, waving
a bit of green. As we pulled,
a chain of bills roped up
through the slot, coiling
ribbons of green.
I had seen “Money Trees”
as special occasion gifts,
but for the one and only
time, we experienced the gift
of “Money in a Box.”
Sometimes life can get a little rough
“Grin And Bear It”
Or should that be “Grin and BARE It”
Sounds like good advice
Grinning and baring it can be a whole lot more fun
But make sure your friends have all gone home
And the kiddies are tucked away in their beds fast asleep
Before you and your mate start prancing around in the nude
Doing and saying all those naughty things
Like, “nice melons you have there my dear”
This starts the whole proceedings
She responds with, “nice frontal protrusion!”
Immediately, the fun begins and the house starts rockin'
All because you, “Grinned And Bared it!”
© Jack Ellison 2014
beach, color, dark, fire, kids, fun, giggle, happy, humorous, inspirational, international, july, new year, poetry, senses, voice, youth,
E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
are hard to beat...
I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
flashing fountains, Solar Flare
Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
no incidence, no burns, thanks...
Whistles blow, fountains glow,
pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
I love those colors, high an low
trails eched onto my retina
inspired me to let ya know
Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
for you to see, right there
darkness, absolutely anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"