Humorous and funny New Year poems and/or funny poems about New Year. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious New Year funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other New Year Poems.
Poem Details | by
Andrea Dietrich |
Categories:
funny, january, new year,
I’ve been watching my weight since 14,
but with all of the diets I’ve seen,
they’ve become a big no-no.
This here dieting yo-yo
has stopped trying to be super lean!
Other problems I’ll change as I go.
I don’t need a New Year to say so!
Said a wise sailor man:
I yam what I yam!
Why improve on a good thing - ya know?
So the cause of the most bellyaching
at this time of the year I’m forsaking.
When you know yourself well. . .
why then go through such hell!
Resolutions I’ll never be making.
For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle
Poem Details | by
Panagiota Romios |
Categories:
funny, new year,
Oh, Those New Years Resolutions!
Now, must call a Priest and ask for Absolution!
As If perfection, I could ever in a year achieve!
Will be saying “Bless me Father,” on humble knees!
12/9/2022
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
celebrity, humorous, new year,
Just where have the weeks gone
Another year has whizzed past
No New Years resolution, I'd only break it
Unless it’s to meet George Clooney
Ah fiddlesticks he’s married now!
Romance is off the cards
Yeah, but a girl can dream!
January Acrostic Contest
Sponsored by Michelle Faulkner
NB I have never made a New Year's Resolution, this is just a standing joke with my husband
1/1/19
Poem Details | by
Blake Holland |
Categories:
adventure, allusion, anger, art, color, confusion, cool, crazy, fantasy, fun, funny, music, new year, paradise, rap, riddle, rude, song,
Your love is real
the love you feel.
Your love is great
the love you make.
Your records are on fire
its your desire.
Take me out tonight
and go wild and crazy,
or be fat and lazy.
So I played some Doors
and saw some whores.
So I said goodbye
and they all must die, fool.
So dig my guts
and eat my brain
and then go insane.
I don't
Care I love it
so forget it, Punk!
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous, new year,
New Year
Drinks Beer
Gets drunk
Heads clunk
Drink over
Hangover
Feels sick
Loo quick!
Is ill
Needs Pill
To bed
Sore head
Morning
Dawning
Feels sad
Looks bad
Want drink…
Rethink!
1st January 2015
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
humorous, new year,
My new year's resolution is I’m going to get thinner
So I purchased a 'Weightwatchers’ meal as a TV dinner
When I looked at the ingredients I discovered it’s a racket
There is more nutritional value if had I eaten the blinking packet!
25th December 2014
Poem Details | by
Frank Polgar |
Categories:
dark, humorous, satire,
welcome to the nightmare
365 days of triskaidekaphobia
where will you hide
The world didn't end in 2012, so now we have to deal with the number 13 all year long. I wrote this poem with that in mind. Of course, my tongue was firmly planted in my cheek.
Poem Details | by
Jan Allison |
Categories:
food, humorous, image, new year,
I let out a scream when I stand on the scales -
the bitter truth, I’ve joined the species of whales!
I plan to go on a new weight loss diet
food is grilled, you must never fry it!
Those pre packed diet foods are such a racket
there’s more nutrients in the cardboard packet
I’ll be enrolling at the local gym
and with luck I’ll be thin as a pin
I’m going to take up weight lifting
and think of the pounds I’ll be shifting
In my Lycra I’ll cut such a dash
I hope I don’t get a nasty sweat rash!
I’ll give up candy and drinking root beer
Looks like I’m in for a depressing year!
New year 2018 Contest
Sponsored by Kim Rodrigues
12/31/17
Poem Details | by
Sara Etgen-Baker |
Categories:
december, new year,
I’m in a state of shock
Writing this and watching the clock—tick tock, tick tock,
Advancing, approaching, relentlessly,
A brand-new year. Oh, can it be?
The calendar says the same thing, too.
Time races, vanishes for me. Boo hoo!
No, wait! It was such a short run!
A year of wisdom and progress. Poof! It’s gone! It’s done!
Poem Details | by
Linda-Marie Sweetheart |
Categories:
funny, new year,
"Resolutions Replay"
All resolutions for twenty thirteen
Always promise to start out peachy keen
dreaming or wide awake
my pet peeve is cheesecake
A wide waistline on bikini screams "mean".
Pineapples, cheeries, strawberries or plain
Calories are the secret to weight gain
trying to deny urge
as fork and cheesecake merge
Choose will power or perhaps go insane.
Only three hundred sixty-four more days
To keep resolution intact from craves
as the replay unhinge
time for a cheesecake binge
Happy New Year rides deep hunger pang waves.
*For Gwendolen's Resolution Limerick in your Pocket.
Poem Details | by
Perry Campanella |
Categories:
beach, color, dark, fire, fun, giggle, happy, humorous, inspirational, international, july, new year, poetry, senses, voice, youth,
E-Z Glo Punk, Lightning Flash,
TNT Devices will burst, do crash
Southern Night, Piccolo Petes
are hard to beat...
I like hand held Sparklers, Tanks
flashing fountains, Solar Flare
Six to #20 Gold I have to share,
no incidence, no burns, thanks...
Whistles blow, fountains glow,
pop'n sounds, entire sky all aglow
I love those colors, high an low
trails eched onto my retina
inspired me to let ya know
Now you close both eyes
in pitch dark, what a surprise
for you to see, right there
darkness, absolutely anywhere
beautiful trails of lights in motion
"Always read a label of caution"
Poem Details | by
Suresh Babu Palani |
Categories:
celebration, cheer up, dance, emotions, feelings, holiday, humor, life, new year, new years day, poetry, seasons,
New year's eve-
Regrets and hopes dance
Together.
Poem Details | by
John Trusty |
Categories:
funny, introspection, new year,
Resolving with age,
the conflict “hard versus dark.”
‘Twill be “dark” all night!
Haiku for a New Year Resolution.
For many, this may well become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Poem Details | by
Barbara Gorelick |
Categories:
food, funny, new year, new years day,
In the New Year I resolved to lose weight
I thought I'd start by using a small plate
But with a big sigh
I piled it up high
Dang, once more the idea not so great...
For the New Years Resolution contest.
Poem Details | by
Sean Kelly |
Categories:
funny, new year,
H e was always the saintly , quiet one
A and everyone knew his name .
P etula Francis Xaviar
P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
Y et , he always held his dignity
N o matter , who would provoke
E specially , his crazy sister
W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .
Y es , it was time for big decisions
E specially for twenty ten
A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..
Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .
Poem Details | by
Paula Goldsmith |
Categories:
drink, holiday, humorous, new year, sad, stress, wine,
2020 drove me to disappear,
2021 is almost here.
Off for drinks and zen, all I can say is hooray and amen.
Date Written:12/20/2020
3 Place Christmas Chastushka - Rules Revised Contest Judged:12/24/2020
Sponsored by: Andrea Dietrich
Poem Details | by
Demetrios Trifiatis |
Categories:
hope, humorous, new year,
Oh, you charming, New Year,
What a great excuse you are
For
All my Ill-fated efforts of the
Year just past, to forget!
© Demetrios Trifiatis
24 JANUARY 2015
Poem Details | by
Rudolph Rinaldi |
Categories:
funny, new year, philosophy, satire,
with each moment we
start a New Year
best to leave the old behind
behind
Poem Details | by
Richard Breese |
Categories:
crazy, funny, giggle, humor, humorous, new year, silly,
fumble, bumble, flop and drop
yes no doubt i am a sop
this new years resolution
uphold my constitution
dust myself off with a mop.
Poem Details | by
Darian Brown |
Categories:
childhood, faith, friendship, funny, life, lost love, teen, new year,
Dear dead properties, L-o-L
Now back to earth and for what it’s worth
A new year is a laudable blessing commencing rebirth
Advance in life and don’t come back, kidding
Just don’t retreat or look back
Sweet sixteen I’m glad you’re that
On your back, me support thou sat
Feliz cumpleaños, and good luck
Love, a hungry acquaintance
Poem Details | by
Daver Austin |
Categories:
funny, new year,
SMOOTH TALKER
“’til Christmas? Just two shopping days
With New Year a few more away
Considering (what you call) merchant ads -
manipulation
With Big Dave there still exists a good will
Sensation
Deck the rooms with Dave’s fine ‘threesome’
fa-la-la-la-laa-re-mem-ber Dave
The ad while not in fine spiritual keeping
shows good will with Big Dave, you save
Merry Christmas all you fine shoppers
out there in holiday land
Drop on by for some egg nog and
A tune from our Jingle Bell Band
Ho! Ho! Ho!
Come on down y’hear”
Poem Details | by
Tahera Mannan |
Categories:
funny, new year,
The New Year is round the corner again
I have started to wrack my brain
A resolution to keep
For which I would not weep
And would be proud and bring out champagne
I decided to quit chocolate
And so will take the help of my mate
Not to gorge myself on any treat
Maybe couple of times cheat
For to keep a resolution I do hate
Poem Details | by
Robert Long Mellott |
Categories:
funny, holiday, seasons, travel, new year,
Kangaroos look funny in horns and underoos
Nothing like the holidays down under…
So many sweets to taste and plunder…
Mistletoe hung over head…
Sweet dreams in our slumbering bed…
The jolly man shimmying down
The hot family hearths
Not making a sound making his rounds
Asbestos underwear protecting his parts
The sweaty old boy in red
Cursing the heat of points this far south
While blimey citizens are snug in bed
Explicatives flowing from his mouth
Merry Christmas to all those down under
And happy New Year a day bloody sooner
Having no snow is a god awful blunder
The whole island should be sat in a corner!
Rlm ‘10
Poem Details | by
Andrew Crisci |
Categories:
fear, funny, hope, love, peace,
Shades stored away
Tattoos removed
Articled reviewed
Room painted as clay
Tarot left unread
Ink spills on pencils
Nails manicured
Got rid of nickels
American heroes return
New medals are given
End their hurdles again
With a handful of kindness and generosity
Year after year they fought the enemy
Enraged mothers wail with pain
America still mourns
Rampage of innocents
Poem Details | by
Cecilia Patterson |
Categories:
funny, life, mystery, seasons, old, old, new year,
The new year has arrived
With a new format for the brain
Made promises to myself
Made with intentions to keep
All the ones of the past
Now gone with an old year
One now at rest
One I gave all my best
New patterns
New people
New thoughts
New harbor
New begin
New me
Now like the old saying
It's time to
"See Monkey See"