Humorous and funny Pets poems and/or funny poems about Pets. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Pets funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Pets Poems.
funny, pets, cat, cat,
I have a cat
A real fat cat
My cat is all black
My black fat cat
It is a cat with a knack
A true fact about my cat
My fat black cat
She has a knack to catch a rat
My all black cat brought me the rat
This is why my cat is a fat black cat
So rats watch your back
From my cat with the knack
Or you will become a snack for my fat black cat
animal, best friend, dog, funny, humor, pets, silly,
Top 10 things my dogs have never said to me. Ever!
Number 10…"Don`t blame the cat!...We did it.
Number 9…"No,…As a matter of fact I`m not happy to see you."
Number 8…"That`s ok, you eat the rest of that rib eye."
Number 7…"Sorry about your friends leg, and of course i`ll pay for the pillow."
Number 6…"Do I need a mint?"
Number 5…"And where have you been?"
Number 4…"Is there a 12 step group for butt sniffing?"
Number 3…"Please!…Do not rub my belly or scratch my ears. "
Number 2…" You threw it…You go get it."
And the number 1 answer is!
"That`s your third beer ya know."
bird, humorous, language, pets,
My parrots name was Captain Flint,
Boy that bird could swear.
I never invited visitors,
So blue was the air.
He'd squawk "pretty effing polly"
Or "give us a cracker you t##t"
I'd never heard such swearing,
I never taught him that.
I bought him off a sailor
Who was heading back to sea,
He said to me, "you'll love him
He's such good company."
And what he said was right
He entertained, it's true.
I said "who's a pretty boy then"
He squawked, " well not effing you !"
The profanities just got too much,
I sold him, with regret.
But the house seems so quiet now,
Without my 'effing' pet !
animals, funny, pets
Sprawling over bedsheets
Crowding limited sleepspace with
animal, best friend, dog, humorous, love, pets, thanks,
Your dad, a Dachshund once stuck in Chihuahua.
The best of both in you, with that expectant
Confusing carpets for the lawn enigma.
I know….the raining….getting wet….you can’t.
As coldness chills the room, a sheet for you.
The perfect tucking of in, but you moved!
I ponder, just how crazy is my Boo?
The sheet’s thread count too low to be approved?
Your dance in circles, spinning on the floor.
Rewards and treasures known upon the racks.
Induced by meals and that one pantry door.
In such a fury, choking on the snacks.
I know what God’s book says, I’ve searched it whole.
But still, I hope you have a little soul.
funny, on writing and words, pets,
Sometimes I catch them easily,
The words I'm reaching for;
At other times watch helplessly
As they crash to the floor.
I try to reassemble but
They've landed in a jumble.
I grab too fast for floaters and
My chair and I both tumble.
Susie thinks it is hilarious
And joins into the fun.
Before she hears my "stop", she has
Already swallowed one.
I am truly very sorry
There are no poems from me.
You will know why when I tell you
My dog ate my poetry.
Won 3rd place
humor, pets, tiger,
My Pet Tiger
I took my pet tiger to my doctor
Because it had a very bad day.
Now, my tiger’s depression is still there,
But my doctor has gone away.
For 'Animal Nonsense' Contest
by Kevin Shaw
angst, animals, funny, pets, old, old,
At the risk of being called “rabble-rouser,”
I think poor old Barky Von Schnauzer,
should practice his aim,
his master to maim,
in the back end of his very best trousers!
My hero I would call dear old Barky,
if he could just muster the stealth of a sharky,
and covertly steer,
right straight for the rear,
of that great big old bag of malarkey!
I think I should send Barky a big four leaf clover,
so his bad luck would finally be over,
he could retire his fame,
move away, change his name,
to Bowser maybe Lassie or Rover!
Obviously I have been driven completely insane by that stupid t.v. commercial!
Happy St. Paddy's Day!
Jerry T Curtis
Well I love my little poodlab-shitziddle
Though His paws are really large and his legs are rather small
And his body's kind-a chubby 'round the middle
His hair is like it's crocheted to his body
But he's covered by some bangs both north and south
Which make his feeding time, for me quite awkward
"Cause, I'm not sure at what end I"ll find his mouth
animals, funny, people, pets,
There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.
allusion, animal, humor, pets,
Ray Gridley has a possible diagnosis
Alas, rabbits do catch viral myxomatosis
Since Jan's is a famous banging bunny
Who stays far from field and ANY honey
Energizer Bunny will bang on till unconscious!
animals, funny, pets
Princess is a Chihuahua
With a magical tail
It has secretly lured her
And has her under its spell
Now she wears a collar
Made of white plastic oh so fine
Now her tail walks behind her
And she has nearly lost her mind
She now has figured how
To twist and turn wow
She gets that magical lure
Poor tail how can it endure
Ah! A thought came to me
Turn the collar into a skirt
Now she can't her tail hurt
Cute Ballerina dog be
It was a sultry summer eve
When what did my nostrils breathe?
Methane with a touch of green grass
Permeating across the room
Look to the right and look to the left
I swear that weaner giggled with a smile...
As I threw her out the door.
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
animal, dog, happy, humor, joy, love, pets,
My name is Spenser
No dog is denser
I'm not well smarted
But I'm big hearted
If you was hurted
I'd be alerted
And I'll come racing
To lick your facing.
cheer up, funny, giggle, hilarious, pets, satire, silly,
Hopping little bunny loved the store,
Hidden by the trees near the shore,
She loved candies and playing outdoors.
‘Stranger danger” her mommy said,
Little bunny didn’t listen she ended up dead.
Skinned alive her fur was painted red,
So listen to your mama stupid thickhead.
Hmm I wonder why I can’t write poems for kids.
Wait.. Why are those parents chasing me with sticks?
Jessica Amanda Salmonson
animal, children, humorous, nature, nursery rhyme, pets, violence,
You shouldn't poke at monkeys
unless you're a dummkopf
Who gets precisely what's deserved --
your fingers bitten off.
M. L. Kiser
animal, cat, humor, pets, poems, poetry,
Ah, sweet slumber of nip-laden dreams;
the milk of mother moon bestowed,
a blessed drink and lactose-free
to this mine humble, feline throat.
Running freely through outer space,
I touch upon thy blessed universe.
My home of emerald and lapis lace,
is where in I lay in furred repose.
Chasing neon rainbows in nebulae bright,
my dreams are filled with gold doubloons.
I’ll spend them on treats and nip-delight,
and chase away any greedy tycoons.
A feline black as obsidian night,
in a home filled with human love;
among the faeries and tree sprites,
mind flies just like the doves.
M. L. Kiser
animal, cat, funny, nature, pets, poems, poetry,
My toilet paper
out of the bathroom,
throughout the whole house,
no, it is not trained.
If it were trained
I am certain
it would proudly
stay nice and neat.
My cat walks
M. L. Kiser
celebration, christmas, fun, humor, pets, poems, poetry,
Merry Christmas to you all,
we’re having such a great snowfall?
These tasty stars, a delicious treat,
we hope your Holiday Meal is great!
For this card we’ve donned our best,
felt antlers ever so, neatly pressed.
These snow-stars are falling with such glee,
filling up branches on the trees.
We hope that Santa brings you all,
the best'est presents, a real haul.
Stay warm and cozy, don’t catch cold,
your warmest blankets, do unfold.
For your New Year, we wish the best,
better than any of the rest.
Blessed blessings to you be,
upon this wondrous, Christmas Eve!
animal, children, class, hilarious, homework, humor, pets,
I own a big fat cat-
The fattest for miles around.
Wherever there's lots of food,
that's where he'll be found.
He's really good at eating.
It's a talent, I suppose.
I'm sure if he keeps at it
He'd win the talent shows.
I own a big fat cat-
He weighs at least a ton
He couldn't run to save his life
Yes, he isn't much fun
His favourite room's the kitchen,
(I'm sure we all know why).
He eats just about everything,
So that's why with a sigh...
I'd like to tell you teacher,
I'd like to tell you straight,
I might have "accidentally" dropped
My homework in his plate.
animal, children, kids, funny, nonsense, pets, silly,
First you got an alligator.
Next came a giraffe.
Lions ride your elevator,
bears hide in your bath.
run amok through all your rooms!
Soon, if you don't set them free - there will be no room for me!
funny, natural disasters, pets
Monkey see....monkey do...
Monkey took a poo poo...
Monkey pooed on my arm..
on my shirt...icky warm...
Monkey poo rings my alarm!
Monkey monkey...look at you!
Get this off...it's from your wah-zoo!!
Eep! eep! eep! said the monkey!
Then he squeezed his nose...
'cause it smelled funky!
anti bullying, bullying, giggle, humor, humorous, pets,
A hairy thing once roamed our streets
Chasing cats for sport and treats.
Til it roamed too far
And a dog catcher and car,
Grabbed Harry and chained his feets.
animal, dog, children, kids, humorous, pets, silly,
Oh, a mangy little doggie went galumphing down the street
And as his luck would have it he just happened there to meet
A warden with a wagon and a heavy-duty net
And he nabbed the rabid mongrel and he took him to the vet.
animals, fantasy, funny, hope, imagination, pets, political
I saw a note pinned up today
that sheepdog trials are underway
I thought, at last, there's justice for the flock
I imagined my fine elocution
as witness for the prosecution
denouncing deeds by doggies in the dock.
Two-leggies might not have the smarts
to see through arcane canine arts
and arrogantly think they are in charge
They're suckered to the masterplan,
believe the wolves are tamed by man,
when really they are free to roam at large.
In court the sheep will have their day
and see the wolves all locked away,
and finally they'll throw away the key;
then celebrate in field and dale;
in years to come they'll tell the tale
of how the woolly ones became the free.