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Funny Poems About Today or Today Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Today poems and/or funny poems about Today. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Today funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Today Poems.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: birthday, friendship, humorous,

I 'EAR' DANIEL TURNER HAS A BIRTHDAY TODAY

A most charming poet named Dan Writes poems whenever he can He is sixty today So I’m writing to say Happy birthday from your friend Jan xxxxxxx An unfortunate poet named Daniel His huge ears made him look like a spaniel They dangled down so low Past his knees to his toe The plastic surgeon re-wrote the manual! The surgeon who was in charge He had never seen ears so large With a nip and a tuck Daniel was in good luck Dashing home to show his wife Marge POEMS POSTED WITH PERMISSION OF DANIEL TURNER 13th August 2016


Poem Details | by Elton Camp |
Categories: humor,

I Ran Two Miles Today

I Ran Two Miles Today  
  
By Elton Camp

Being too fat I really do despise
One solution is plenty of exercise

I’m proud to be able to say
I did rather well with it today

A sudden inspiration I got 
Started running on the spot

Nothing would make me slow down
I zipped across sidewalk and ground

I had a goal that I wanted to meet
And wasn’t going to take defeat

As the goal I drew near
Onlookers began to cheer

“Go chubby,” one called out
“Onward! another did shout

I kept running until I was ready to drop
That ice cream truck was hard to stop


Poem Details | by J.W. Earnings |
Categories: anger, childhood, class, confusion, crazy, dedication, children, kids, funny, growing up, growth, high school, how i feel, innocence, inspiration, life, middle school, people, rights, school, social, stress, student, teacher, teen, teenage, time, today, truth, words, writing, youth,

Bladder Problems in Class

Numbers on 
White board…names written hori-
zontally

Students ask
To go pee…right when class starts – 
THAT’S just wrong…

Bathroom line
Of students who have bladder
Problems – WOW!

People are
Not using lunchtime to do 
Their business 

No one knows
When to do their duties – SER-
IOUSLY?

Poem Details | by Tim Ryerson |
Categories: funny,

Never Do Today What You Can Put Off Until Tomorrow

I purchased a brand new desktop
Quite sure I will use it alot
Still sits in the corner
Like Little Jack Horner
Procrastinate? Certainly not!

Poem Details | by Michael Ward |
Categories: fun, funny, humorous, nice, nonsense, smile, today,

A bit of fun

A bit of fun

There is a man crying
In a AA van on the edge of town  
I think he is heading for a
Breakdown >

Poem Details | by John Trusty |
Categories: funny, people,

CLERIHEW FOR TODAY

MARILYN MONROE
There’s a girl I wanted to know.
It could’ve worked out fine,
if Bobby and Jack didn’t head the line.

Poem Details | by Deborah Finneran |
Categories: beautiful, change, character, chocolate, food, fun, growing up, happy, heaven, humorous, i love you, imagination, inspiration, inspirational, introspection, joy, life, light, love, metaphor, philosophy, self, simple, strength, success, thank you, thanks, thanksgiving, time, today, truth, uplifting, visionary, wisdom, words,

Cookies-Food For Thought

Cookies -
Why can’t I have the chocolate one
I want more
She took my cookie
Hers is bigger than mine
I want to trade
That’s not fair

Cookies +
Thank you for the cookie
I love you
Thanks for all you do for me
I am satisfied
This is good
I am loved
Written By  Deborah Finneran :)  2013

Poem Details | by Jacob Reinhardt |
Categories: analogy, art, change, city, class, community, culture, humor, humorous, identity, imagination, life, longing, philosophy, satire, self, senses, silly, slavery, social, society, time, today, truth, wisdom,

Clock

Clock!
You sculpt the clay of my life
With your rigid hands,
Shouting your high commands through morning alarms. 
Accusations fly
As you collect your daily payment of attention.

When I find myself savoring life’s sweetness,
You sprint behind my back.
And when pain drops my heart from my chest,
You linger, rubbernecking from the wall.

You enclose the whole of my life
In that circular frame,
Ever spinning in your infinite math,
Drunk with power!

Clock!
I can take no more of your tyranny!
I can afford no more of your triple A battery lunches-
I am afraid you’ve run out of time.
So keep your hands out of my business, I’m sleeping in today.

Jacob Reinhardt							09/05/2013


Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: funny

Hare Today, Gone Tomorrow

One day I was sitting in a field
Ogling at my afternoons yield
When across the road I seen
A lovely meadow so green
Cars don't see fur as a shield










http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-4.php

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: boyfriend, fashion, humorous, men, night, relationship, today,

On being in trend

He who's today in trend
is a tonight's boy-friend.

Volodymyr Knyr
2015

Poem Details | by Miss Wattle |
Categories: hair, humor,

HAIR TODAY - GONE TOMORROW

HAIR TODAY - GONE TOMORROW

At twenty, my man had a lot of hair
It was way past his shoulders, way down to "there".

At thirty, I said, "Time to mature now, dear"
So he cut it all off - by gosh, he actually has ears!

At forty, his hair started to recede at the forehead
He'd stare in the mirror, getting all hot and bothered.

At fifty, his hair started thinning on top
No matter what he tried, he couldn't get it to stop.

At sixty, he'll be missing the top of his hair
He says he'll let the rest of it grow - way down to "there."

By the time he is seventy I'll be too old to care
What the heck he does with his damn hair!


© ELR 2013

Poem Details | by Jack Ellison |
Categories: humorous,

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow



Hair today, gone tomorrow, it's starting to thin really fast Thought I'd be one of those centurions with locks down past my *** Think again, old fellow You're starting to turn yellow Don't want to pass on till my youthful appearance does pass © Jack Ellison 2015

Poem Details | by Sonia Walker |
Categories: humorous,

I Wore My Red Scarf Today

I wore my red scarf today,
feeling sassy and full of play,
I am the epitome of a drama queen,
wherever I am there is always a scene
as I walk down the street foxy and lean.

Poem Details | by Doris Culverhouse |
Categories: funny

Funny thought for today

If there are any police officers reading this...
    Please don't shave your head...

                 The reflection blinds the viewers of your dash camera footage when I                    see it on Cops. 

It also looks like the flashing lights are on your head!

Poem Details | by Aed Hashim Sheik Ahmad |
Categories: funny, me, me,

Today is Monday

Today is Monday
What else can I say
Hate it as I may
I still need the pay

Today is Monday
Can’t keep my mood at bay
So please stay away
If you don’t want to be led astray

Today is Monday
Wish I can call it a day
Nothing I would say
Would make me happy and gay

Today is really Monday
When work cannot be shared
Nothing I can do but stare
Give me more if you dare

So..Monday please go away
I can’t bear you to stay
Quickly come Saturday
Time for me to play

Poem Details | by Tony Lane |
Categories: funny, holiday, christmas, christmas, time, today,

Is it Here Yet

Just a single week from now today will be a week ago, By the time that tomorrow’s today we’ll be on the way you know. Then yesterday will be two days ago and today will be yesterday, And two days from now will be tomorrow at least that’s what they say. Before you know it the time will pass don’t say there was no warning, Pretty soon we will all wake up and it will finally be Christmas morning. But why does it have to take so long and why do the days grow longer? Why does each passing minute make the anticipation that much stronger? I wish that there was a way to make Christmas come today, But then I guess all I’d really be doing is wishing my life away.

Poem Details | by Christina Hons |
Categories: fun, hope, humor, light, river, water, weather,

What I Accomplished Today

What I had planned for the day is no longer an option for me.
20 minutes on a full body vibration machine
30 minutes in a sauna. Same for the oxygen bar.
A free lunch with my friend, but I cannot get to my car.
It has been pouring down rain for a few days. Everything is starting to flood.
Today I will be unable to meet my friend with a microscope who's fascinated by blood.
Turned on the television. Someone discussing Greek and Roman Parthenons.
Oh goody! What joy! It's an Ancient Aliens marathon.
Flipped open my journal looking for something to do.
Guess I'll enter a poetry contest or two.

May 15, 2015

Poem Details | by Mad Rose |
Categories: culture, eve, funny, symbolism, time, today, truth,

To sum up the year:

 Today, while in Oregon, I stopped to get gas.  
To the stoned-out gas attendant, who had a man-bun
And whose name was Jordan,
I handed a 100 dollar bill.

I waited and watched
The Dutch Bro’s line across the median 
Slowly tick down as the gas dial 
quickly ticked up.

Stop.

$30.15

Jordan returned.

“Okay, here is 85 cents.”
He counts my bills out.
“And we have 
20
40
60
65 
and, uh...
69 dollars.”

He shyly smirks.

And we both laugh. 

A laugh shared with a stranger.
The opposite of irony is wrinkly
And the human connection still remains.

Hasta la vista, 2015. 

Poem Details | by Volodymyr Knyr |
Categories: evil, humorous, irony, life, today, war,

An air raid

Even an invader's air raid
can be, as we're told, for aid.

Volodymyr Knyr
2014

Poem Details | by Brian Strand |
Categories: humor, poetry,

CLERIHEW for today

Playwright Wiliam Shakespeare 
held rhyme & cadence ,so dear.
Plays in verse were his thing
making our English lingo sing.


Poem Details | by RAJAT KANTI CHAKRABARTY |
Categories: funny love,

haiku today november 28



                                             creeping of the flesh
                                         fondling in an old back seat
                                               spooky cab rattles










                         haiku today november 28 ©  rajat kanti chakrabarty

Poem Details | by Janice Canerdy |
Categories: humor, technology,

What Robert Burns Might Say Today

O my tv's had a gray, gray screen
Since it blew up last June.
The radio plays no melody.
The piano's out of tune.

Alas! My ipod's ceased to work.
My laptop's gone kaput.
My car just died a violent death,
And now I am on foot.

When HBO plays great, my dears,
When car and gadgets run,
I'll pay thy exorbitant fees, my dears;
Then we'll all be having fun.

So fare thee well, my saviors dear.
I'll call thee in a while.
Take care of these, young fix-it men.
They're really worth a pile!


Robert Burns, Scottish poet, 1700's


entered in Julia Ward's A Light to Like Poetry Contest on June 25, 2017


Poem Details | by Amy Swanson |
Categories: fantasy, funny, imagination, places, visionaryday, day,

On a Day Like Today

On a Day Like Today
    by Amy Swanson 12/2008


On a day like today,
    I just want to scream.
This day is so cold!
    I'd much rather day-dream...

...of a small tropic island
     where sun always shines -
Yes!  That would do nicely!
      (though just in my mind)

On a hot sandy beach,
       where the water's deep blue;
relaxing and warm,
        with palm trees in my view...

and a drink in my hand,
     with that little umbrella!
My warm, leisured day
      would read like a novella...!

But I open my eyes -
      drat! this dull winter gray!
I prefer my day-dreams
      on a day like today!   :)

Poem Details | by Emma Anonymous |
Categories: children, funny,

Commentary on the Youth of Today

I cannot skip 
instead I hop

I cannot flip
instead I flop

I cannot do so many things
instead I play computer games

Poem Details | by BRIAN EATHERTON |
Categories: humorous

Today And Tamara

I didn't see Tamara today
But I may see Tamara tomorrow.