Humorous and funny Vanity poems and/or funny poems about Vanity. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Vanity funny poems!
Written by
Cheryl Hoffman
Categories:
humor, vanity,
Eyebrow Vanity
At times my eyebrows can be my own arch enemies
12-22-17
Written by
Beatrice Boyle
Categories:
funny,
Vanity, Thy Name Is Woman
Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!
My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
Bedside mules?
This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!
Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)
For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest
Written by
Ken Duddle
Categories:
funny, satire, work,
Vanity Press
dear mr. electrician
you're a man of distinction
thank you from me and the spouse
for rewiring our house.
you have worked hard
no wire out of place
you toiled and sweated
nothing neglected.
but we will not pay you
and here's the reason why.
we will send a patronising letter
tell you there's no-one better.
photos of your work
will appear in an album
top quality, leather-bound
the cost to you just forty pound.
you don't have to buy
if you can't afford this sum
but the album will be a reminder
of a job well done.
Written by
Gail Debole
Categories:
future, humor, sister, vanity,
Shared Ego - Year 2030
Written by Gail DeBole on September 12, 2013
There once were siamese-like twins
Who didn't share organs or limbs.
An ego was shared
Thoughts moving through air
Between sisters Donna and Kim.
With an ego bigger than most
The twins did nothing but boast
of trophies and wins
And spectacular whims.
The sisters were known coast-to-coast.
Written by
Paul Callus
Categories:
funny, vanity,
Traffic Lights
Fingers tapping show impatience
Urge the red to turn to green
Precious seconds go by slowly
Till the amber glow is seen.
This is it … the feet are itching
The gear lever is clutched tight
It’s the calm before the tempest
Then it’s there – a change of light!
But what’s wrong? There is no movement
Horns are blaring. It’s too much!
Right up front she holds the lipstick
And applies the final touch.
-----------------------------------------------
Contest: Any poem that makes you smile.
Sponsor: Poet Destroyer A
Placed 6th
Written by
Gerald Dillenbeck
Categories:
bullying, humor, integrity, usa, vanity, wisdom
Dear Donald, Again
I fear you cast yourself in lights too grand
and powerful.
Is it not enough
to acknowledge this legal investigation
of whether you have intended to use your limited powers
for obstructing justice,
fairness,
equity?
You go too far
casting yourself as a witch
hunted for misuse of powers
intended for promoting justice,
fairness,
ecological equity.
Donald Trump,
you are merely President
by minority vote;
you are no hunted witch.
Except, of course,
within your own alternatively factual universe.
Written by
Sandison Jumbo
Categories:
art, humorous, vanity,
The Tattoo
The tattoo
She was covered with ugly stretch marks,
So, could not bare her skin at fun parks,
A tattooist, she’d thought,
Could make her look quite hot ,
The tattoos couldn’t hide her stretch marks!
July 15, 2017
Written by
Tom Harris
Categories:
funny, humor, vanity,
I Have This Disability
I have this disability
The one called imbecility,
Along with instability
And rampant incivility.
I lack dependability
And have no credibility.
I’m short on sensibility,
Am prone to gullibility
And have the inability
To see my fallibility.
And yet, with great humility
I say with plausibility
The concept “genius” – you’ll agree –
Really fits me to a tee.
Written by
Bernard Chan
Categories:
animal, beauty, horse, humorous, vanity, word play
Vain Animals
“Hey, when is my turn?”
asks the horse.
“Hold your horses,”
says the plastic surgeon,
“while I give the duck
a quick nip and tuck.”
Written by
Roy Batts
Categories:
death, humor, vanity,
Afterlife
I have a worthy goal
I pine to be a fossil
on permanent display
in some future museum
All it takes
is the proper soil
in which to reside
for years and years
of unflinching patience
And then a bit of luck
when a doctoral student
stumbles across my remains
and finds the subject
for her dissertation
Scientist will argue
over what it all means
and I will live on in death
as a smiling toothy enigma
Written by
Edward Schmitz
Categories:
beauty, crush, desire, funny love, mental illness, vanity
This Side of the Mirror
This Side of the Mirror
I feel lost within the mirror’s eyes
Those charming narcissistic pools
As vast and blue as endless skies
Glittering like two polished jewels
As I look deep within those gems
I recollect such secret woes
Held trapped inside my lover’s skin
Is such a torture none should know
Drowned deep within the vainest vice
An honest pain baptized this soul
Although it seems that dreams are nice
When unachieved they take a toll
I can not hold, my love, so dear
Or press their lips upon my own
And even, could, I hold them near
The truth remains, I am alone
Written by
Dale Gregory Cozart
Categories:
humor, parody,
Modern Vanity
I represent Modern Vanity
and also Modern Insanity
I can cuss in the gutter
and in verse I can utter
words that are Modern Profanity
Written by
Cheryl Hoffman
Categories:
humor, vanity,
Her Only Solution
She had quite a leaky old bladder,
and a rear end as flat as a platter,
she went to the store,
cant take it anymore,
Depends now makes her rear appear fatter.
Written by
Arthur Plisenhayer
Categories:
humor, vanity, world, universe,
Universe's Cookery
Alas! At last must all be devour'd!
Still won't this brew- fate's bowels favor'd.
Written by
Jerry T Curtis
Categories:
celebrity, feelings, humorous, poetry, poets, vanity
The Wall
I write a thousand words a day
Thinking up new things to say
Existing just below You all
Living high-up on "The Wall"
I always think, what will it take
For me to be-come less opaque
For them to know, I'm not a rube
And have MY FACE placed in a cube
Perhaps it's better now, to stay
beneath "The Wall" and write my way
Humbled by this awesome group
While crying in My Social Soup
Lol, I'm just happy to be read------really
Written by
David Hyatt-Bickle
Categories:
god, humor, humorous, mythology, pride, vanity
The Abyss King
The proud ruler known vainly as Saklas
In the abyss proudly proclaimed with brass:
“I am god, no other but me!”
Then a voice above said in glee:
“You are completely wrong Saklas, you ***.”
Date: 09/06/2022
I counted the syllables myself
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
humorous, vanity, women,
Drawn Wrong
Her natural eyebrows she denies
Quickly with a pencil she applies
Drawn way to high
She startled her guy
With a permanent look of surprise!
Written by
Quoth Theraven
Categories:
history, humor, night, vanity, visionary,
Diamond's Spoon-Less Knights
Like facets of a diamond when held to light,
or ice cream eaten without want or need of spoon.
Visions pass as history regales the knight,
and search continues for the dark side of the moon.
Written by
Michael Perriatt
Categories:
animals, funny
Backside Vanity
My movements, strange and nimble like the wind,
from where you stand must surely seem absurd;
and thus, your kind ignores my brushlike end,
instead to watch me dumbly steer a curb.
It's shameful that your eyes have been ensnared
by what you see as antics in the street.
Is not my gaily trailing limb more fair
than highly false perceptions of my feet?
You must be envious of me, though small,
for I can lie in heat, though sweltering,
and rest beneath my bushy parasol:
(I wonder if they're even listening.)
How can you understand my vanity?
Your butts are bare of such extremity!
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
humorous, love, people,
A Vanity Fair
What else if not a vanity fair
can be the best place for an affair?
Volodymyr Knyr
2017
Written by
Thomas Wells
Categories:
funny, humor, me, silly, vanity,
My Mask
Yes, I wear a mask
to shield from Covid 19.
My glasses fog up.
Written by
W J Clarke
Categories:
death, humor, vanity,
Death Versus Vanity - Collab
The gold carriage awaits to seat my soul,
As I rise, I see what used to be whole,
My cold corpse lies in state like a closed shell,
Is it really me? How can one tell?
Who dressed me in that awful beige attire?
No wonder I can't float any higher,
Oh! Well, the carriage will just have to wait,
I'm not leaving my corpse in that grim state
Date: 29/03/23
Sponsor: Joanna Daniel
Collaborate with me Contest
Howmanysyllables.com: 10 syllables per line
Rhyme Form aa/bb
Rhymezone
Written by
Romeo Naces
Categories:
funny, people, social,
Vain Vanity
flexes his biceps,
tucks his flabby tummy in,
vanity in vain.
Written by
Krish Radhakrishna
Categories:
games, giggle, happiness, humor, vanity,
Bean and Queen
I secured my car with Yale lock and key,
And merrily sauntered up the hotel lobby,
stuck my tongue out with a smile obscene,
I was rehearsing my role to play Mr. Bean!
The suit was perfect and so was the walk,
I gargled my words as Mr. Bean would talk,
laughter was stolen by an old lady, who imitated the Queen and winked at me!
18/06/2020
Contest: It is only make belief
Sponsor Regina Riddle
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
humorous, imagery, lost, perspective, vanity,
Embracing the Bald
Inside my head, reality
Slithered right up to me and called,
"Look old man, that mirror don't lie,"
"You might as well, embrace the bald"
Still I held out, I'd wear a hat
From reality I was refraining
Until at last, up there on top
I had but two hairs remaining!
I reached up to settle them down
But then plucked one off instead
Deftly breaking my solemn vow
To not harm a hair on my head!
I gazed in the bathroom mirror
Then plucked ceremoniously
Slowly lifted the toilet seat
And flushed a burial at sea!
The chrome dome now, I've accepted
Though it's very smooth to the touch
It's something I have to live with
To embrace though, seems a bit much!