Humorous and funny Wife poems and/or funny poems about Wife. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Wife funny poems!
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,
Viagra Falls
There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'
but when it got little
his pills became skittles
until he O.D.'d on Viagra
© ~JSLambert 2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!
Written by
Shane Cooper
Categories:
funny, husband, wife,
A Cooked Goose
When you come home late at night
Open the door and turn on the light
You had better be extremely quite
Or your goodly wife you may excite
And I'm sure she will not be polite
When she orders you out of her sight
There is no use trying to be contrite
The dog will have company overnight
Your goose is well and truly cooked alright
Written by
Kash Poet
Categories:
funny,
Np My Snoring Wife
noise pollution
breaking night's silence...
sleepless hours
a roaring engine...
beside me
my snoring wife
a ticking clock
competing with...
the snoring sound
who will win?
let me see...
sleepless judge
Written by
John Coopey
Categories:
funny, love, wife
Anniversary Card
I splashed out on this greetings card,
It cost me 50p,
I thought that you were worth it,
For putting up with me.
But yours, I know, will cost far more,
(Perhaps a quid or two),
But that’s because I’m worth far more,
For putting up with you.
Written by
David Aaron
Categories:
allusion, care, funny, humor, imagery, pain, wife,
Fourteen
When someone says break
A leg is never offered
As the sacrifice
Written by
Dale Gregory Cozart
Categories:
humor, love,
The Pickler's Wife
The young pickler's wife was quite fickle,
one day warm then a cold icicle.
But now she's amorous,
dressed up quite glamorous.
She's tickled the young pickler's pickle!
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, husband, relationship, wife, word play,
A Greek Tragedy
I knew an old woman from Greece
Whose whinging words would seldom cease
She’d constantly whine
When drunk on red wine
Her husband’s in dire need of peace!
How much cash does a Grecian earn -
such questions I tried hard to spurn
Her husband went mad
and did something bad -
she’s interred in a Grecian urn!
8/20/19
Written by
Reason A. Poteet
Categories:
11th grade, funny, humor, metaphor, wife,
Beyond Salvage
An old herbal gard’ner turned bard
dedicated and well-versed
now works his pen from his backyard
in plants and poems immersed.
His choice nouns engender meaning
cleverly minted with scents.
Rare verbs gingerly gleaning
from time’s savory essence.
Somewhat focused on composing
but nettled by a drizzle;
unexpected down-hosing
causes this poet to fizzle.
Lo! His inspiration now gone
like the ink upon his page.
Mrs. Bard calls from the lawn
“I just watered the sage.”
January 5, 2012
Written by
Caren Krutsinger
Categories:
food, funny, humor, humorous, husband, wife,
The Affair
“I think I’ll go out,” the husband said.
The wife let it slide for about a half hour.
Then she asked, “Where are you going?”
There was no reply, so she walked into the living room.
Immediately knowing.
He had sneaked out, being careful to make no noise with the latch.
She knew what that meant.
She had him on a strict diet, and a locater application.
She got on her phone and looked at it.
Immediately knowing.
As she suspected he was at the Donut Deli down the road
No doubt eating the things he was never supposed to eat.
He had had so many affairs with sweet, fried things.
She got on her coat, determined to stop him.
Immediately knowing.
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
funny, wife,
My Wife Is An Alien
(This is a fictional poem)
My wife is an alien and this morning she laid an egg.
She may be green but she has a great pair of legs.
She has two large antennas that are on her head.
She's smarter than Einstein but she's lousy in bed.
The egg will hatch next month and when it does, we'll have a little tyke.
It will be half human and half alien, I'm scared of what it will look like.
My wife is ugly and people usually scream after they've seen her.
We just got in a big fight over finances and she bit off my wiener.
We were deeply in love but now she's my foe.
If an alien proposes to you, you'd better say no.
Written by
Damian Keady
Categories:
fun, funny, girlfriend, wife,
Do You
Do you take this strife
No not without a wife
Do you take this wife
No not if she gives me strife
Do you take this life
Only with my own wife
To give to me all the strife
To maybe live a better life
But first of all I need a wife
DAMO x
Written by
Joe Dimino
Categories:
humorous, inspirational, introspection, love, meaningful, wife, wisdom,
My Wife
I would take cute
over profound, any-day;
good feeling-full over
meaningful – God over
science, and my wife
when it comes to dinner;
I will take thick over thinner,
when it comes to gravy and
mashed potatoes; God over
politics, when it comes to
getting along...my wife's
opinion when it comes to
right and wrong;
Beauty wins hands-down,
when it comes to images
and lyrical-sounds; God
on all my paths and grounds
as opposed to stone saints
and preaching clowns – my
wife's love, over a world of
wealth; without love, nothing
of true value, nor health –
Written by
John Fenn
Categories:
daughter, funny, wife
Cockney
A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta
Written by
Jslambert Mister Roboto
Categories:
caregiving, childhood, confusion, family, father, children, funny, happiness, holiday, husband, imagination, life, mother, natural disasters, nature, parody, people, places, satire, social, son, teen, wife
Redneck Father's Day------
***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***
"Storm over yet...?"
"Well hay'ell ye'ah!
woo-hoo!
sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
whadda'bou that boy th'er?
sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"
"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"
"Wha'choo sayin?
wha'th'a?
na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
shoot!
'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm!
torna'durr warnin' too!
he gonna have him'a cole burr;
on me!"
my treat!
mama, git him'a cole burr!
ro'tt now;
ya'here?
besides...
ta'days father's day!"
© 2011 ~JSLambert Esquire
Written by
Darlene Gifford
Categories:
humor, marriage,
Nagging Wife Pun
He turned on the coffee grinder.
His nagging wife,
no one could find her.
Written by
Robert Candler
Categories:
confusion, home, humorous, husband, marriage, sexy, wife,
Quandary - a Husband's Haiku
The dishes are done,
Kids are asleep and dreaming.
Want to watch T.V.?
Privacy at last.
The kids will not disturb us.
Want to hug and smooch?
The dishes are done.
No one will disturb us, but
She's got a headache.
Whatever I did,
It must have been bad, because
She keeps saying, "No."
Written by
David Aaron
Categories:
humor, i love you, metaphor, nostalgia, pain, paris, wife,
Twenty Five
Paris gave us much
from romance to this plaster
white Eiffel Tower
Written by
Mark J. Halliday
Categories:
car, desire, humor, lust, nonsense, silly, wife,
Muscle Car Envy
Thou shalt not covet
Thy neighbor's wife, nor his ***...
YOU mean his Corvette?
Written by
Barbara Gorelick
Categories:
funny, history, uplifting, urban, visionary, war, wedding, wife
The Earl of Sandwich
Please, sir, some meat and bread
I've not had a morsel for a week
It would stop this terrible hunger
My prospects now are terribly bleak
It's said the Earl is tender hearted
And oh so bloody awful rich
If I could have a taste of his
I'd call the thing a Sandwich
I hate to just come a beggin'
But I'm so hungry I am seeing red
Won't you ask the Earl again
Please, sir, some meat and bread.......
For Joe's Sandwich contest...lol
Written by
Tom Bell
Categories:
adventure, funny, husband, love, parody, passion, wife,
State Fair
There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there
Written by
Mike Martin
Categories:
christmas, humor, mythology, wife,
Mrs Claus
Christmas without Mrs. Claus
That could never be
Who would feed dear Santa
And trim the Christmas tree
Who would tie the ribbons
And fasten all the bows
Who would help the elves
Hang their stockings all in rows
Who would do the mending
And sew the giant sacs
Who'd care for all the reindeer
And polish up their racks
Who would keep dear Santa jolly
Keep him fat and warm
So he can ride the coldest skies
And weather any storm
All hail the unsung hero
Hooray for Mrs. Claus
The saving grace of Christmas
Best gal that ever was
Written by
Tirzah Conway
Categories:
allegory, family, father, funny, husband, mother, wife
She Really Did Get This Call
I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,
“He’s here at the bar
Quick bring us your car,
Your husband just got in a brawl”
Written by
Alex Klugman
Categories:
funny,
My Lovely Wife Is Attractive and Fit
My lovely wife is attractive and fit,
She keeping the rule: "Never eat after six".
Six burgers, that all, what she usually eat,
And after the six-seventh hard to affix!
Written by
Nitesh Aggarwal
Categories:
computer-internet, family, children, funny, husband, wedding, wife
Double Disappointment
I woke up in rapture, when she started to sing.
Naughty whispers in my ears, “Someone’s coming”
My ecstatic view;
A child is due!
Then she continues, “My mother’s visiting”
Written by
Martin Kloess
Categories:
car, humor, husband, love, wife,
The Awwwsome Driving Lesson
The neighbors were running in fear
As into front room car did steer
What fate had approved
His words soon removed
Your parking’s improving my dear