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Funny Poems About Wife or Wife Funny Poems

Humorous and funny Wife poems and/or funny poems about Wife. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Wife funny poems! Also, try our sister website's powerful search engine for poems or see our other Wife Poems.

Poem Details | by JSLambert Mister ROBOTO |
Categories: allegory, fantasy, father, funny, girlfriend-boyfriend, happiness, health, hope, husband, imagination, life, love, passion, people, places, romance, social, wife,

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


Poem Details | by Shane Cooper |
Categories: funny, husband, wife,

A COOKED GOOSE





When you come home late at night
Open the door and turn on the light
You had better be extremely quite
Or your goodly wife you may excite

And I'm sure she will not be polite
When she orders you out of her sight
There is no use trying to be contrite
The dog will have company overnight

Your goose is well and truly cooked alright

 

Poem Details | by John Coopey |
Categories: funny, love, wife

Anniversary Card

I splashed out on this greetings card,
It cost me 50p,
I thought that you were worth it,
For putting up with me.


But yours, I know, will cost far more,
(Perhaps a quid or two), 
But that’s because I’m worth far more,
For putting up with you.

Poem Details | by David Aaron |
Categories: allusion, care, funny, humor, imagery, pain, wife,

Fourteen

When someone says break
A leg is never offered
As the sacrifice


Poem Details | by Reason A. Poteet |
Categories: 11th grade, funny, humor, metaphor, wife,

Beyond Salvage

An old herbal gard’ner turned bard
dedicated and well-versed
now works his pen from his backyard
in plants and poems immersed.

His choice nouns engender meaning
cleverly minted with scents.
Rare verbs gingerly gleaning
from time’s savory essence.

Somewhat focused on composing
but nettled by a drizzle;
unexpected down-hosing
causes this poet to fizzle.

Lo! His inspiration now gone
like the ink upon his page.
Mrs. Bard calls from the lawn
“I just watered the sage.”

January 5, 2012

Poem Details | by Dale Gregory Cozart |
Categories: humor, love,

The Pickler's Wife

The young pickler's wife was quite fickle, one day warm then a cold icicle. But now she's amorous, dressed up quite glamorous. She's tickled the young pickler's pickle!

Poem Details | by randy johnson |
Categories: funny, wife,

My wife is an alien

(This is a fictional poem)

My wife is an alien and this morning she laid an egg.
She may be green but she has a great pair of legs.
She has two large antennas that are on her head.
She's smarter than Einstein but she's lousy in bed.
The egg will hatch next month and when it does, we'll have a little tyke.
It will be half human and half alien, I'm scared of what it will look like.
My wife is ugly and people usually scream after they've seen her.
We just got in a big fight over finances and she bit off my wiener.
We were deeply in love but now she's my foe.
If an alien proposes to you, you'd better say no.

Poem Details | by Caren Krutsinger |
Categories: food, funny, humor, humorous, husband, wife,

The Affair

“I think I’ll go out,” the husband said.
The wife let it slide for about a half hour.
Then she asked, “Where are you going?”
There was no reply, so she walked into the living room.
Immediately knowing. 

He had sneaked out, being careful to make no noise with the latch.
She knew what that meant.
She had him on a strict diet, and a locater application.
She got on her phone and looked at it.  
Immediately knowing.

As she suspected he was at the Donut Deli down the road
No doubt eating the things he was never supposed to eat.
He had had so many affairs with sweet, fried things.  
She got on her coat, determined to stop him.
Immediately knowing.

Poem Details | by JAN ALLISON |
Categories: humorous, husband, relationship, wife, word play,

A GREEK TRAGEDY


I knew an old woman from Greece Whose whinging words would seldom cease She’d constantly whine When drunk on red wine Her husband’s in dire need of peace! How much cash does a Grecian earn - such questions I tried hard to spurn Her husband went mad and did something bad - she’s interred in a Grecian urn! 8/20/19

Poem Details | by Jim Slaughter |
Categories: animal, humor,

Short Ribs P: Well, what's a wife to do

The peacock pulls out all the stops
When attracting a future mate.
He spreads his tail feathers, he struts, and he hops
And eventually asks for a date.
If she accepts, they soon will be wed
And start planning their family,
And, of course, they both expect to live
Ever after quite happily.
But the peacock's all ego and subterfuge,
While the hen, well, you just gotta pity her.
Though she may apply makeup, and lipstick, and rouge,
Her husband will always be prettier.

Poem Details | by Damian Keady |
Categories: fun, funny, girlfriend, wife,

Do you

Do you take this strife
No not without a wife

Do you take this wife
No not if she gives me strife

Do you take this life
Only with my own wife

To give to me all the strife
To maybe live a better life

But first of all I need a wife

DAMO x

Poem Details | by JSLambert Mister ROBOTO |
Categories: caregiving, childhood, confusion, family, father, children, funny, happiness, holiday, husband, imagination, life, mother, natural disasters, nature, parody, people, places, satire, social, son, teen, wife

Redneck FATHER'S DAY------

***NOTE~TO BE READ WITH A RIDICULOUS "SILKY SOUTHERN DRAWL" (have fun:)***



"Storm over yet...?"

"Well hay'ell ye'ah! 
 woo-hoo!
 sum'body git me a da'gumm cole beer.
 whadda'bou  that boy th'er?
 sum'body git him'a cole beer too!"

"Diddy! that boy ain't nothin' but 8 years old!"

"Wha'choo sayin? 
 wha'th'a?
 na'I don't give a jolly'durn, if he ain't nuttin but 8 year'owed!
 shoot! 
 'dat boy dun' sat him thr'ew a big ol', storm! 
 torna'durr warnin' too!
 he gonna have him'a cole burr;  
 on me!"
 my treat!
 mama, git him'a cole burr! 
 ro'tt now; 
 ya'here?
 besides...
 ta'days father's day!" 



© 2011  ~JSLambert Esquire

   










Poem Details | by john fenn |
Categories: daughter, funny, wife

Cockney

A cockney from over the water
Had a wife and a tasty young daughter
They would lead him a dance
And he stood not a chance
Cos they both never did what they oughta

Poem Details | by Darlene Gifford |
Categories: humor, marriage,

Nagging Wife Pun

He turned on the coffee grinder.
His nagging wife,
no one could find her.

Poem Details | by Robert Candler |
Categories: confusion, home, humorous, husband, marriage, sexy, wife,

Quandary - A Husband's Haiku

The dishes are done,
Kids are asleep and dreaming.
Want to watch T.V.?

Privacy at last.
The kids will not disturb us.
Want to hug and smooch?

The dishes are done.
No one will disturb us, but
She's got a headache.

Whatever I did,
It must have been bad, because
She keeps saying, "No."

Poem Details | by David Aaron |
Categories: humor, i love you, metaphor, nostalgia, pain, paris, wife,

Twenty five

Paris gave us much
from romance to this plaster
white Eiffel Tower

Poem Details | by kash poet |
Categories: funny,

NP My Snoring Wife

noise pollution
breaking night's silence...
sleepless hours

a roaring engine...
beside me
my snoring wife

a ticking clock
competing with...
the snoring sound

who will win?
let me see...
sleepless judge








Poem Details | by Mark J. Halliday |
Categories: car, desire, humor, lust, nonsense, silly, wife,

Muscle Car Envy

Thou shalt not covet
Thy neighbor's wife, nor his ***...
YOU mean his Corvette?

Poem Details | by tom bell |
Categories: adventure, funny, husband, love, parody, passion, wife,

State Fair

There once was a woman named Shar,
Who went to her local State Fair,
Her husband came too,
Can't say no to you,
And they were quickly thrown out of there

Poem Details | by Tirzah Conway |
Categories: allegory, family, father, funny, husband, mother, wife

She really did get this call

I wish I could be a fly on the wall,
  
When my poor old mother gets the phone call,

        “He’s here at the bar
  
        Quick bring us your car,

Your husband just got in a brawl”

Poem Details | by William Masonis |
Categories: funny, history, imagination,

My Wife Came Up With This

Piggable - Jiggable
Ivan the Terrible
Strangely proposed to 
Elizabeth One.
Russian society,
Antiediluvian,
Made her refuse him
And spoil his fun.

Poem Details | by Thomas Martin |
Categories: football, funny, humor, husband, men, wife,

Football and Spouse

football
is all

crowd roars
kick soars

a pass
at last

man cave
men crave

cold ones
at once

demand
she panned

but serve
the beer

and chips
for dips

hubby
must pee

walks out
on lout

and shops
till drops

lonely
lady

returns
and learns

the lout
passed out

flat beer
oh dear

the game
now tame

half time
her time

clap hands
to bands

the game
what game!

Poem Details | by James Fraser |
Categories: fun, humor, husband, loss, marriage, wife,

Prepare for the Worst

That's a week the wife has been missing For years I've so longed this hoping Prepare for the worst the Police said Panic thoughts in my head The Charity shop was not my so wishing

Poem Details | by Barbara Gorelick |
Categories: humorous,

A Good Wife Is Hard To Find



When worked up and yelling a sight to behold She was an expert on the art of the scold But she was good in bed And kept him well fed And he was quite deaf if the truth be told

Poem Details | by Vernette Hutcherson |
Categories: funny, life, wife,

RELAX (Cinquain)

 
Sunday
don't have to work
watch football, snack, take naps
Listen to wife gripe  I'm lazy
Fun day