Humorous and funny Woman poems and/or funny poems about Woman. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Woman funny poems!
Written by
Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart
Categories:
funny love, woman,
Disarming Disarray
Out there
With her flair for chasing inspiration
She draws you in her reason
Connecting dots and constellations
Tripping
She takes you by the hand
Her world as messy as her mind
You need a guide
And as you wade through her chaff
Her heaps of half thoughts
Her every whim expressed
The only thing you know for sure is
Out there exists
Date: 11.19.2019
Contest Name: Disarray
Sponsor: Nina Parmenter
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
beach, fantasy, humorous, woman,
The Mythical Fisher Woman - Inspired By Contest
I encountered her on a dark stormy night
Her huge trout like lips were a scary sight
Strands of white spittle formed on angry lips
huge folds of fat spilled over her wobbly hips
With scaly grey skin and blood red eyes
and legs so fat they chafed her thighs
Hair tangled and matted like limp seaweed
She reeked like a fish of an ancient breed
Reaching out for me with her claw like nails
Slime dripped from her hands like rancid snails
I tossed her a coin and hurried on my way
She’s not been seen since that stormy day
03-28~17
Written by
Barbara Barry-Nishanian
Categories:
funny, woman,
Point of View
Point of View
Hag in the mirror
Squinting at me
Waiting and watching
A young face to see.
She doesn’t know
Face that stares back
Never thought she’d see
That old hag in black.
But here they are
Alone the two
Seeing each one
From own point of view.
10/2017
Written by
Cynthia Jones
Categories:
humor, imagery, inspiration, poetry, september, writing
Cross-Eyed Woman -Limerick-
Cross eyed woman had a nasty fall
after running into a brick wall
she was hit over the head
with a big loaf of bread
while trying to play basketball.
Copyright Cynthia Jones
Sept.23/2004
Written by
Arthur Vaso
Categories:
art, friend, funny, giggle, humorous, poets
Waiting For Any Woman
Be patient
be very very patient
after that
add more patience
then wait
and wait
and wait and wait and wait
become a waiter
at least you will be paid to wait
When she finally finally arrives
give her the biggest smile you possibly possess
tell her, "Hello love, you are early and
looking very majestically beautiful my sweet!
what have you done to your hair love?"
since you have waited a century or two or three
it's a safe gamble she has, and you my friend
will be a big winner.
Therefore when you wait and wait and wait
be a winner
even skeletons
smile
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
angst, funny, on work and working, me, me,
A 94 Year Old Woman Kicked My ###
(This is a fictional poem)
A 94 year old woman kicked my ###.
She beat the crap out of me and left me bleeding on the grass.
Every time I got up, she knocked me down again.
She beat me really hard and I sure as hell didn't win.
The fight started when she asked me to put out my cigar.
I told her that I'd shove it up her vagina and I guess I went too far.
When she got through beating me, I had lost most of my teeth.
Now people laugh at me and all I feel is grief.
Written by
Stanley Ohlswager
Categories:
humor, woman,
Shady Lady
SHADY LADY
There once was a lady who loved to face the sun
Following it as it crossed the sky,
Particularly between the hours of eleven to one.
But no one could figure out why.
Some said to develop a sunny disposition
To overcome a previous condition
For it was rumored that this lady
Had a background that was shady.
Written by
Patricia Cresswell
Categories:
humorous,
Widder Woman
Widder Woman
hate boxes and neat little slots
pigeon holes burn my behind
all those safe-making creations
that pacify the peeps.
stuff an unknown quantity
into a bag of mundane
catch me first.
if I must be widow then a merry one
will I be and
as soon as my sciatica clears up
I streak the whole damn street.
Written by
Maureen McGreavy Pigeon Tart
Categories:
appreciation, humor, life, woman,
Meeting Mid Life
hello hot flashes goodbye mad dashes
December 20th, 2018
Written by
Mike Gentile
Categories:
fun, humor, humorous, men, sexy, woman
Vi Agra
Her last name was Agra, I saw on the bar
My nerves told me, I wouldn’t get very far
But then I did spy
Her first name was Vi
I worried no more as we walked to my car
A name like Vi Agra can make a guy think
Or run like Niagara gone over the brink
But one thing’s for sure
She won’t be a bore
Le’s hope it’s not over before I can blink!
Written by
Nwando Obianyor
Categories:
adventure, children, funny, woman, old, old
Old Roger
Old Roger is dead and gone to his grave,
Hum,ha! gone to his grave.
They planted an apple tree over his head,
Hum,ha ! over his head.
The apples grew ripe and ready to drop,
Hum,ha ! ready to drop.
There came a high wind and blew them all off,
Hum,ha ! blew them all off.
There came an old woman to pick them all up,
Hum,ha ! pick them all up.
Old Roger got up and gave her a knock,
Hum,ha ! gave her a knock.
Which made the old woman go hipperty hop,
Hum,ha ! hipperty hop.
Written by
Katherine Stella
Categories:
adventure, dedication, fantasy, funny, happiness, imagination
I Am Woman Hear Me Roar
I am strong as that of a mighty eagle
Won't back down to predators
I am strong that of atlas
Can carry the world on my shoulders
I am strong that of a loco motive
Reaching final destinations
I am strong that of God
Only within His calling
For the hand who touches
Is the man saved
I have the willpower
To see it through
I have structure
To make it happen
I have knowledge
To share unto others
For I am woman
Hear me Roar
Entry For Rambling Poet's
I Am Strong Contest
Written by
Volodymyr Knyr
Categories:
body, humorous, people, relationship, sexy, woman
A Skin Peel
The thorougher the skin peel,
the stronger the sex apeal.
Volodymyr Knyr
2014
Written by
Beatrice Boyle
Categories:
funny,
Vanity, Thy Name Is Woman
Vanity…Thy Name Is Woman!
My house is on fire
What shall I do
I’ve seconds to decide
My choices are few
Shall I grab my money
My precious jewels
Or my brand new furry
Bedside mules?
This smoke is deadly
I can hardly breathe
I make a mental list
Of what to bequeath
But live or die
I’ll wear my designer dress
I’ve got to look great
For all the press!
Copyright2012 Beatrice Boyle
(All rights reserved)
For Kristen Bruni's Last Chance Poetry Contest
Written by
Sima Mittal
Categories:
children, kids, funny, woman,
The Chocolate
The Chocolate!
She is a deliciously smart gal,
For each and everyone's her pal.
Be it in the brownie or cake,
Or the icy cold milk shake.
She sure can change everyone's morale!
Written by
T Wignesan
Categories:
humor,
Limerick: Once a Tennis Woman Named Sue Baule
Limerick : Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Once a Tennis Woman named Sue Baule
Tried to avoid being called : « Screw Ball ! »
So she got her haïr cut
In the shape of a snout
Since at French Open gets dubbed : « Screwed Doll ! »
© T. Wignesan – Paris, 2013
Written by
John Williams
Categories:
humorous,
High Maintenance Woman
A stunning woman, so beautiful and polite,
But causing concern, I'm thinking twice,
My girl puts my credit card to much use
Tantamount to severe financial abuse,
Although, I do enjoy her other vice.
Written by
Peter Lewis Holmes
Categories:
emotions, for her, gender, humor, woman,
A Woman
A woman is fire, love, adventure;
A cigar is only a smoke.
Written by
Cheryl Hoffman
Categories:
business, humor,
Pioneer Woman
Tough broads with long skirts moving out west,
circling wagons never getting any rest,
now I'm on tv,
wrangling up recipes,
plus sell house wares that are simply the best!
12-11-16
Written by
Robert L. Hinshaw
Categories:
humorous, woman,
She Wast As Inscrutable As the Sphinx
The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
(She with face inscrutable as the Sphinx.)
Although she was nay forthright,
Shakespeare wast somewhat polite,
But saw through her nefarious high jinks!
Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
(c) All Rights Reserved
Written by
Iolanda Scripca
Categories:
funny, husband,
Woman-Owned Business Maker
Self-employed and partner in life
He "hired" some other guy's wife
Making golfing balls
Now he has two holes
My new business ?...Surgical Knives...
for Carolyn Devonshire's "Horrible Bosses"
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
humorous, nature, woman,
The Naked Truth -Bawdy Limerick
There once was a woman called Callie
Who loved having sex in the valley
Out in the fresh air
Her flesh she would bare
‘Twas better than in the back alley
03~30~17
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
baby, body, humorous, woman,
Flood Warning
A gravid young lady named Prue
Was bursting to go to the loo
She crossed her legs tight
With all of her might
It’s what pregnant ladies go through!
21st June 2016
Written by
Isaiah Zerbst
Categories:
humorous, sports, woman,
Phantom of the Golfers
The green was bespeckled with putters
Till 'long came a singer, Miss Sutters
She started to sing
The golfers did swing
And now, poor Miss Sutters, she stutters
Entered in contest "Old or New in Five or Less." Placing: first.
Catagory: Humorous, Old Poem
Written by
Eve Roper
Categories:
bird, humor, ocean, woman,
Seagulls Take Flight
Seagulls Take Flight
Rose strolled alone on a warm sandy beach
as salty sea foamy waves crept to reach
net her toes as the wind rose
She Jump from getting wet toes
instead fell back on her butt with a screech
Beach bumming seagulls came flying around
while Rose sat embarrassed on the wet ground
Plop! Whitewash flopped on her head
then up to the air they fled
flapping, squawking, with snapping hungry sounds
4/27/2017