Humorous and funny Women poems and/or funny poems about Women. Read, share, and enjoy these hilarious Women funny poems!
Written by
Bill Lindsay
Categories:
funny, women,
Funny But True
Time=
Second,
minute, hour,
day, week, month,
year, decade, century ..
and women buying clothes
Written by
John Hamilton
Categories:
humorous, imagery, men, relationship, women,
Chivalry Is Not Dead
Chivalry is not dead...
Chivalry is not dead...just in a coma, on life support,
waiting for a woman to come along with the defibrillator!
John Derek Hamilton
July 20,2016
Written by
Randy Johnson
Categories:
car, funny, humorous, women,
It's a Curse To Own a Hearse
Instead of being a chick magnet, my vehicle is a curse.
No woman will go out with me because I own a hearse.
I bought my hearse because it runs great and it was dirt cheap.
But when women see it, they slap my face and call me a creep.
I finally got a date with the woman of my dreams.
But when she saw my hearse, she ran and screamed.
Women don't want to make out where corpses have been.
Because of my vehicle, they won't date me, they find other men.
If you already have a bad love life, making my mistake will only make it worse.
Women will not date a man if he drives a hearse.
(I got the idea for this poem from a TV show that I saw.)
Written by
Pat Adams
Categories:
analogy, humor, women, word play,
Three Kinds of Bras
Now when it comes to shopping for bras
There are three kinds to "support" the cause
For all of those well endowed lasses
"Catholic" bras support the masses
When the most mature women come callin'
"Salvation Army" bras lift the fallen
And whether it's needed or just for thrills
"Baptist" bras make, mountains out of mole hills!
Written by
Bill Lindsay
Categories:
funny, gender, women,
Respect Her Always
Never treat a woman
like an object.
It hates
That.
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
golf, humor,
Women Drivers
WOMEN DRIVERS
The trouble with women drivers
with all of their if’s, ands, and butts
is that when they are driving for distance
they lose all their delicate touch
thinking the faster they get there
will cause all the others to blush
but no one cares how well they drive
as long as they make their putts.
John G. Lawless
2/15/2015
Written by
Anne-Lise Andresen
Categories:
funny, life, philosophy, women, women,
- Is It Fair -
I have heard: Women burn fat almost 10% slower than men
It's does not feel justified
I have heard: Women live on average 3 years longer than men
Women have a better durability date (used before: .. - ... - .....)
Men: (must be used within: .. - .. - ....)
Why is it only women who are thinking about calories and diets
I bake delicious cakes .... that can only be eaten by my husband
..... I think I'll try one more piece :)
12.04.2013
A-L Andresen :)
Written by
Ngoc Nguyen
Categories:
humor, love, romance, wisdom, women, youth
Lavender and Lovely, Red Roses
Like lavender and lovely, red roses,
they’re meant for your immaculate sweethearts
and their fine, little, delicate noses;
not to damage the most sensitive parts,
or overwhelm the olfactory senses,
bedaub with the finesse of the fine arts,
as love’s a game of great consequences.
Lovers choose on the mere whiff of a scent;
so smell good, or lead to major offenses.
Too much perfume is wholly unpleasant:
a little hint on the neck and the wrist
is enough to smell attractively fragrant;
then don’t offend like a face striking your fist,
if you heed these lines you'll get the main gist.
Written by
Jan Allison
Categories:
body, humorous,
For Women Who Suffer Every Month - and Their Partners Who Suffer In Silence
Oh how I long for the menopause and end this monthly curse
I was hoping things would improve, but now it’s getting worse
I turn into a chocolate craving fiend at all hours of day or night
If someone raided my emergency supply it could end in a fight
My skin can take a bashing and I end up with a spotty chin
Stomach inflates like a huge balloon, but in reality I am thin
Can’t wait for those hot flushes; it could reduce our heating bill
I could ditch my trusty thermal vest for I won’t feel the chill!!!
Tongue in cheek write
Jan Allison
26th October 2016
Written by
Peter Dome
Categories:
change, fantasy, fun, funny, muse, silly
If Women Rule the World
If women ruled the world
I'd have a sex change and be a girl
If you can't beat em
Join em.
Peter Dome. Copyright.2015.May.
Written by
Tammy Reams
Categories:
desire, funny love, humorous, image, lust, women
Blind Sex
Some say my cousin got around
passing on his bloodline
young and wild with a strong esteem
no matter who it was
Shame his bloodline has family ties
one was his sister Jean
his Pop's found out, boy what a scene
now I know why he's blind
T Reams 3/26/2015 contest sponsored by: Nette Onclaud
'Let Me Feel Your Lines #6 bloodline
Written by
Anne-Lise Andresen
Categories:
beauty, care, humorous, truth,
- Poem For Women -
Small or large breasts is something one is born with
It is easy to become blinded by the glamorous fashion
The quest for the perfect body
It's all about illusion
Focus on what is good for your body
New breasts can cost you dearly
No one need operations,
be grateful for the breasts you have
Most of the breasts hanging down ...
sooner or later
19.01.2017
Sun :) - A-L Andresen :)
(unrhymed couplets)
Copyright © All Rights Reserved
Written by
Anne-Lise Andresen
Categories:
for her, for him, funny,
- Men - Cars - Women -
If you see
a man opens
the car door
for a woman ....
He certainly has
a brand new car ...
or a very young
and beautiful mistress
His pride ...
a conquest ...
the gleaming varnish
reminds him of
sensual red woman lips
Excite shining
in his eyes -
you will always
be his number two
13.01.2014
A-L Andresen :))
Written by
Pivotal Poetry
Categories:
age, funny, how i feel, humorous, old, women
Aging Woes
Forgetful moments, hair thinning,
Memories fading, ears ringing,
Hands wrinkled, boobs drooping,
Knees weak, words looping,
Silver top, hot flushing,
Bladder weakness, loo rushing,
Bones tired, sleeping less,
Couldn’t care, such a mess,
Eyes blurring, tummy tucks,
Getting older, really sucks.
Written by
Elizabeth Kinch
Categories:
age, change, humorous, women,
Menopause Misery
The menopause has hit me,
My oestrogen is going,
I'm very hot and sweaty,
My face all red and glowing.
My mood is unpredictable,
I scream and then I shout,
My waistbands getting tighter,
I'm fatter without a doubt.
My hair is getting thinner
On the top of my head,
But it's sprouting out of my chin
And upper lip instead.
My mind gets confused,
I'm forgetful, make mistakes,
Everywhere is itchy,
I just want to take a break.
So I'm off to see the doctor
To get some HRT,
Can't deal with all the symptoms
Of this menopause misery!
Written by
Steven Siegel
Categories:
freedom, humor, military, mom, soldier, women
What We Really Fight For
When you ask 'soldier
what he fights for, it is not
apple pie and dear
old mom, nope this is what he
fights so hard for; a woman
Written by
Joe Flach
Categories:
funny
Dying To Meet Women
There once was a man on the beach
Hoping for women to meet
To try to look thin
He held his breath in
And passed out dead at their feet.
Written by
Sidney Hall Mad Poet
Categories:
funny
Women Dont You Just Love Them
She placed her arms around,
And clasped her hands pressing her chest closer
Not uttering a sound
Her movements were poetry in motion
She was dedicated with a passion
Her gaze was a hypnotic potion
As she stood with her legs slightly astride
She put her all into it
Her femininity she did not hide
With my cup of tea, I admire her from afar
As she wrestles the Ikea flat pack from out of the car
Written by
Duke Beaufort
Categories:
addiction, humorous, men, women,
Ocd Ii
Most compulsives have never confessed
There are thoughts with which we're obsessed
Our inner vision
Views with great precision
The women our eyes have undressed
Written by
Jacquelyn Sturge
Categories:
funny, women, women, cancer,
Mammogram
Women over fifty
need to have a mammogram yearly,
It is an important test
that involves squeezing a woman's breast.
It is for cancer screening
but leaves some women really screaming,
Place your breast on machine which
clamps down on it like a fish sandwich.
Then it's tender to the touch
not many women like this too much,
I do believe it's a man
who invented this type of torture plan.
Why don't they screen men this way
put their member on this thing I say,
Then prostate cancer will flee
I'm just laughing at this imagery!
Written by
John Lawless
Categories:
humor, men, women,
His and Hers - Limericks
HIS and HERS - limericks
HERS
SWEET MOLLY SHE SET OUT THE BAIT
ORDERED A DRINK FOR THE WAIT
LIFTED HER SKIRT
FANNED SCENTED FLIRT
WHILE WATCHING THEIR EGOS INFLATE
HIS
Young Buster was full of himself
a bruiser devoid of all stealth
he measured his worth
by its length and its girth
had it bronzed and put on a shelf
John G. Lawless
7/17/2015
Written by
Peter Dome
Categories:
desire, hilarious, howl, humor, women,
Good Home Wanted
Are there any nice ladies out there
Who'll take on a nice guy like me
I'm fully trained good with children
And flea free.
Loves dining walks in the park
And although I can be a handful
I do not bark.
I have been vetted
And love being petted
Everyone says awe when I enter a room
And poo! when I make a mess
Well I'm just a man
I confess.
I'm so loving and affectionate
And in need of a loving home
I'm so faithful
And will never roam.
I need a woman.open to offers. must be nice and have a yacht.please send picture of yacht.
Peter Dome.Copyright.2015.May.
Written by
Juliet Ligon
Categories:
emotions, funny love, humorous, love, relationship, women
Listen To Me- Never Mind What I Say
Get out of my space.
Don't walk away.
Listen to me.
Never mind what I say.
I need you close.
Leave me alone.
Get out of my life.
Please come home.
You can go now.
I miss you so much.
You smother me.
I need your touch.
Don't ever leave me.
I've got to go.
Yes, my dear,
the answer is no.
Get out of my space.
Don't walk away.
Listen to me.
Never mind what I say.
Written by
James Tate
Categories:
humorous, women,
Purple and Red Hat
Her smile was sweet and infectious,
As she walked with a swinging step.
Glancing both to her left and right,
With a winning charm, most adept.
Bearing a certain cool aplomb,
Her hat nonchalant upon her head,
In colors that appear to glow,
And blossom in purple and red.
Written by
Bill Lindsay
Categories:
funny, women,
She Plays a Dirty Game
So,
how is
it that my
wife can be so
good at Tetris and
so useless at stacking
everything in the dishwasher?